Elise Sereni
     Patkotak
Monday, February 08, 2016

Off for my annual girls’ week in Vegas. Planning to once again secure my financial future via the penny slots.
Hey! It’s bound to work one of these years.

Elise Patkotak • 03:16 AM •
Saturday, February 06, 2016

Joe came over to bring me flowers for my birthday with his mom. I finally remembered to return a little car that he’d left at my house a few years ago and I had carefully saved for him. He and his mom visited for about 30 minutes during which time we were only in my living room and office. And yet, when he was leaving, he couldn’t find the car. Neither could we. How do little boys do that? I swear it just de-materialized in his hand. And I also know that I will not find it again until I accidentally step on it in the dark some night. And then it gets thrown out. Because saving a little metal toy car for over three years for a boy who is no longer interested in those cars borders on insanity. And I’m already close enough.

Elise Patkotak • 03:12 AM •
Friday, February 05, 2016

SARAHPAC, our very own half governor’s fund to keep her “relevant “, paid out $66,000 last year for speech writers. I have only two things to say about that. One, Sarah has speech writers? And two, I want some of whatever those speech writers are using when they crafts her speeches. That must be some very special stuff.

Elise Patkotak • 03:42 AM •
Wednesday, February 03, 2016

Yesterday was my birthday. I am now officially at a point where I can sincerely regret not taking better care of myself. I never really thought I’d ever get this old. I was never going to trust anyone over 30. And I was certainly never going to be over 40. Damn!

Elise Patkotak • 03:49 AM •
Tuesday, February 02, 2016

I know they love me and want to be close to me. They are wonderful dogs. But I am having serious claustrophobia issues in bed at night. They get so close on either side that I risk crushing them if I turn over. Getting up to pee in the middle of the night means waking completely up so I can carefully extricate myself and not accidentally toss one of them to the floor trying to get out of bed. I bought a queen size bed thinking it would solve the problem but all it’s done is given me acres of space to view from my the tight space I’m allowed to occupy.
Thank god they are so damn cute!

Elise Patkotak • 03:45 AM •
Monday, February 01, 2016

Reality TV with people who should not be on public view ever
Presidential candidates who embody the worse of the lowest form of Americans
Snow in New York City but not Anchorage
The price of oil below $30 a barrel
What the hell is happening to us?

Elise Patkotak • 03:13 PM •
Wednesday, January 27, 2016

I feel we should start a book called Where’s Jeb? Like Where’s Waldo except all the other figures in the picture would be other Republicans running for president.
Hey, someone needs to find Jeb. He’s been missing in action for quite awhile now and I’m worried that Cruz has put him into a cellar somewhere and is planning to make a coat from his skin.

Elise Patkotak • 03:25 AM •
Tuesday, January 26, 2016

A message to the other 49 states… Sarah is all yours. Thanks for taking her off our hands.

Elise Patkotak • 03:24 AM •
Sunday, January 24, 2016

I was in bed when last night’s earthquake hit. Being a true Alaskan, I spent the first part of it lying in bed and expecting it to be over quickly. Then the house started to roll and I thought, hmmm.... maybe this isn’t just a regular little quake. Then Carm woke up and that meant it had to be bad. He’s getting older and it takes a lot to wake him up at night - or in the morning for that matter.
So I jumped out of bed and put clothes on because, due to my Catholic upbringing, I know it’s worse to be outside with just panties on than it is to die in an earthquake. Now the dogs were sitting up on the bed looking at me to make their world stop shaking. That’s about when the pictures and knick knacks started falling. And all I could think was to get under a doorway. The birds had their cages to protect them. I had to get the dogs under the doorway with me. And that went over about as well as you would expect with one crazed lady and two shaking dogs. It was like trying to herd cats. By the time I had managed to grab them both without dropping either one, the quake was over.
I thought about checking for damage and decided to just go back to bed. Since I didn’t smell a gas leak or hear sirens outside, I figured it could wait until morning. The fallen plants were unamused by this decision.

Elise Patkotak • 12:06 PM •
Thursday, January 21, 2016

Had to do my annual clothes shopping today. Every year, this is the worse 45 minutes of my life.

Elise Patkotak • 09:00 PM •
Tuesday, January 19, 2016

There is a major snow storm threatening the East Coast while I anxiously scan the forecast looking for any hint of snow in our future. And I live in Anchorage, Alaska.
What is wrong with this picture?

Elise Patkotak • 03:11 AM •
Monday, January 18, 2016

The dogs race into the office for the first treat of the day. It’s how we start each day at the computer. Snowy grabs the chicken jerky and runs with it. Carm looks at it as if he can’t believe I’m giving him something that unappetizing and walks away from it. I toss it onto his doggie bed in the office. Snowy come back for more and sees the unattended chicken jerky. He slowly and surreptitiously circles the uneaten chicken jerky on Carm’s bed. Carm, using some sense that dogs have when another dog is sniffing around what’s theirs, comes racing down from upstairs where he went in disgust at the sad treat I was offering. He finds Snowy standing quietly over the jerky, staring at it with total focus to make sure it doesn’t accidentally disappear if he takes his eyes off of it for a minute. Carm quietly sneaks his head under Snowy’s and grabs the now most desirable chicken jerky and goes back to his dog bed with it where he chews on it with the least amount of enthusiasm ever seen in a dog supposedly enjoying a treat. Snowy stares in dismay. I give them both a different treat just to get them to move on in life. Carm likes the second one better. Snowy grabs the partially chewed jerky after almost swallowing the second treat whole and runs with it. Carm is now standing next to my chair looking quite dismayed. I give him another treat. I would have made a lousy mother.

Elise Patkotak • 11:56 AM •
Saturday, January 16, 2016

Is it just me or do you too think that Cruz and Trump should be running for office in North Korea where they would be more comfortable with general state policies?

Elise Patkotak • 11:58 AM •
Tuesday, January 12, 2016

If it were African-Americans or Native Americans occupying that bird sanctuary in Oregon would we still be watching a peaceful standoff or would we be in the midst of recriminations over the violent end of the stand off with the feds blasting their way in?

Elise Patkotak • 08:50 AM •
Monday, January 11, 2016
image

Snowy jumps up on the bed every night as I’m in the bathroom preparing for bed. By the time I get to “my spot” on the bed, his butt has warmed it up. It’s zero out but I get to curl into a pre-warmed butt spot and feel all cozy right away. It’s just one of the reasons to always have a dog with a butt bigger than yours.
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Elise Patkotak • 11:32 AM •

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