Elise Sereni Patkotak

My dog comes in from a long walk, tongue hanging out, panting. She heads immediately to her water dish and starts lapping hungrily. I stop her, pick up the dish and replace the old, warm water with fresh cold water and return the dish to her. She resumes lapping up the water with the same enthusiasm as before. And it occurs to me that the fresh cold water thrills me more than her. In fact, I don’t even think she notices. Then I remember. This dog drinks skanky standing water from still puddles she finds on our walks. Clearly being

Here’s the advantage of being a FAIRY Great Godmother…I don’t ever have to age. So when my godchild’s new son grows up, I will be just as young in his eyes as I am in hers.  You gotta love those magic wands.

My mother, a staunch, old fashioned Roman Catholic Italian, once traveled to a Bris for my cousin’s two adopted sons from Brazil that he was raising with his same sex partner. I thought that was one of the longest journeys our family ever took, immigration from Italy notwithstanding. Yesterday, my cousin’s son celebrated his marriage with a traditional Chinese tea ceremony at his parent’s home.  It was beautiful even if, for a boisterous lot of Italian, a bit odd. I think of it as another long journey from what we know to the whole glorious world beyond our comfort zone

If the shirt I wear to Joe Three and Hilda’s wedding today is made from wood (and it is), am I putting the whole wedding in greater danger of forest fire?

I was on my way to a business lunch last week, dashing down the highway because I was late, when I tried to drink and drive. There’s a reason they tell you not to do that. In the blink of an eye I went from a neatly dressed business woman to someone wearing an entire latte down the front of her shirt and pants.

I went home to change only to realize how few summer clothes I actually have that are not T-shirts from Value Village with writing on them.  So I went out and bought three tops – yes,

I start my visit East today. I am into total guilt and complete panic over sending Blue and Blondie to a kennel even though I know it’s only for six days.  Sigh…..I kept apologizing to them. Do you think they understood that I’ll be back. I don’t want them to feel betrayed.

God, I need to get a life.

Paris Hilton has apparently found god in prison. Assuming she would actually be able to recognize him correctly, this is good news for all of us who were worried when He didn’t come home for the past few nights. 

I recently received an e-mail sent out to all elderly relatives of a certain young cousin of mine. I think you should all know that I prefer to think of myself as in the death throes of advanced middle age. I’ll get elderly later.

I live for the day when women can shave their heads like men do when their hair starts thinning. It will be so much easier than arranging the few hairs on my head into any semblance of a hair do.  I wonder if I have a pretty bald head or an ugly one?  Unlike Brittany Spears, I’m not taking enough liquor and drugs to want to find out.

In the end, we won’t be taken down by professional terroists but by some inane, inept wannabees who accidentally actually blow something up.