Columns 2006

Health care system in need of help

I recently got sick while visiting the East Coast. I was in Center City Philadelphia and could find no walk in clinic so I ended up at the emergency room of the Jefferson Hospital.  Since my cousin Joe has a large portrait of himself in their lobby because of his pioneering work as a doc in their ER, I figured I was golden.  I’d drop his name a few times and get the red carpet treatment.

Well, I dropped his name as loudly and as frequently as I could and it got me nowhere. One nurse did admit that she’d

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The Bedazzler

Are you aware that there is something called the Bedazzler being sold on TV that puts sequins on your clothes?  There’s a whole world out there that I simply don’t understand.

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My sister and me

Here’s the way it goes with me and my sister. She came upstairs wearing a pair of pants and asked me if I thought they looked too big. I told her they looked like something I would wear and she would argue with me about.  I didn’t have to say anything else. They’re at the tailor’s.

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Can you tell I’ve just had an airport experience?

Time spent in airports is time lost forever from your life. It can never be recouped and it only subtracts from the quality of your life.  Reading ameliorates this condition only to the extent that you can still focus on the text after sitting for eight hours waiting for a delayed flight after you’ve already been traveling for 10 hours. We can send people to the moon in more comfort than we can travel in airports.

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Nutritional rule 25

Any MacDonald’s product eaten in an airport while waiting for a flight that has been delayed more than one hour has no calories or ability to clog your artieries.

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Columns 2006

Blondie and Blue

Mr. T came home a few days ago. He joins Morris the bird on my little table. It’s good to have him back. Now I can say goodnight to him again like I did for the past 16 years.  To all those wonderful people who called and sent cards, let me say thank you.  It’s nice to know this state is filled with people who can love pets so much and be so kind. I think that bodes well for our future.

Meanwhile, I went to Friends of Pets and found two wonderful new friends who are helping to fill

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I’m heading home

For years when I was preparing for a trip East I’d say I was going home to visit. I don’t know when that changed.  But one day I heard myself saying “I’m going East for a visit” and using the phrase “I’m going home” when I returned to Alaska.  Today I come home.  I miss my birds. I miss my dogs.  I miss my bed and my refrigerator and my computer with the big keyboard instead of the little keyboard on the laptop that makes my fingers feel like they are big fat salamis. I’m coming home.

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An idea

Everyone who votes must wear a blue armband. Everyone who is of age to vote and didn’t must wear a red armband.  If a red armband is ever heard complaining about politics or government or taxes, the blue armbands may pull out foam bats and beat the red armbands till they shut up.  Just an idea.

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