Elise Sereni Patkotak

Like an aging Manson groupie who spent too much time in jail.

that you could take an eraser and just erase Brittany Spears from the world?

It was really weird. After my dog Mr. T died, Abdul, my African Gray parrot, didn’t call him even once. And he used to call him every morning when we got up. He’d scream, “TEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! C’mon. Go out. C’mon, T.” And suddenly, about two days ago, as I was sitting down here in the office, all of a sudden I hear him calling, “TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”. Just calling his name over and over. Needless to say, I got hysterical.

Could there be anything more pathetic and grotesque than the Anna Nicole Smith story as it plays out in all its sordid glory, aided and abetted by a national press that has clearly lost its values, focus and mind.  And am I the only one who feels so sorry for that little girl? She doesn’t stand a chance at anything resembling a normal life…not now, not ever.  What a terrible thing to do to a child.  And she’ll never really know if the person who ultimately takes control of her destiny loves her or her money.  No two month old

So the minister who was hiring male masseuses and buying crystal meth now claims he’s been cured of all homosexuality after three intensive weeks with some other ministers who prayed for him. And this got me thinking. I’m a sixty year old woman and there are simply very few fish in my dating pool because most men are either married, gay or dating someone who could be my daughter.  So if they can convert this guy from homo to hetero, can they do the reverse for me? I mean, think of the big dating pool that would open up for

Just enough snow has fallen on the underlying ice to make my walks with the dogs a slip sliding disaster waiting to happen. Thank god that between them they are big enough to anchor me when I start to fall and yank inadvertently on their leashes.  With poor Mr. T, he was so small that when I yanked, we both went down.

Let’s see, 8 billion dollars of shrink wrapped American money that was sent to Iraq on pallets in the back of some huge airplanes is missing and Bremer is apparently blaming it on the Iraqi’s not having a good accounting system.  But the front page news, the news that is mesmerizing America, is about some Marilyn Monroe wannabee who probably overdosed and died while three men squabble over who screwed her last and fathered her child.

We deserve George Bush as president if this is the way we prioritize things. He can’t be blamed for sending this country to hell

I still cringe when my AARP magazine arrives.  I think they should put it in a plain brown envelope.  One day I found I had left it in the bathroom where I’d last been reading it during a few moments of leisure and suddenly flashed back to my mom’s bathroom when she used to keep her’s there.  I’m always surprised when trauma like that doesn’t kill me.