These are the rules

  1. For so long as I pay the bills, you have to leave me at least a quarter of the bed to sleep on.
  2. When it’s time to get up and go out, you cannot stretch, look sadly at me, and then flop down again on the bed. If I have to get up, you have to get up.
  3. Sitting directly in front of me to make sure you know when I head towards the treats is a good way to trip me up and break my neck. The upshot of that is… no more treats.
  4. You are not now, nor ever in the future, allowed to push your butt up against my face at night and then fart in your sleep.

Have we got that straight now?