Why I should never shop alone

I needed a new bathrobe. The one I was using was twenty years old and I had bought it second hand so there’s a good chance it was a lot older. But I loved it – right up until it simply started falling apart piece by piece in the wash.

So I did what all good Americans do who go shopping nowadays. I went to Amazon and typed in bathrobes. Quite a variety showed up. Some as expensive as $80 and some as cheap as $34. My nona’s cheap genes jump in when I least expect them to. I bought the $34 one.

It arrived soon thereafter at which point I realized that I had bought a 2x, a size I used to be but apparently no longer am. It flowed on me like water. I could shelter both dogs and my refrigerator in it with me. The second thing I realized is that it wasn’t exactly as warm as advertised. It was, in fact, made of some fairly thin material. It was definitely not going to keep me warm on a cold Anchorage evening.

But I am not good at returning things. Quite frankly, I can’t even figure out how to do it with Amazon or any other online store. So I kept it. I figured I could always put a few nightgowns on underneath it, given its fairly large proportions, to keep me warm. Problem solved. No need to shop more or return anything.

And then I realized that the zipper was on backwards as though this were a men’s bathrobe… and for my relatives out there, no it’s not a man’s bathrobe. I checked! Anyhow, the zipper made me crazy. My arms barely function as it is. No way was I able to get that zipper up and down without at least a ten minute cussing bout in the bathroom.

So I decided to put in a new zipper. After all, I thought, how much could that be? And wasn’t it worth it if the robe was going to be around for awhile? So I went to the alterations store and handed in the robe with the request for a new zipper. I honestly thought the woman said $5.50. She actually, apparently, said $55.

Have I mentioned my inability to stop a transaction once it starts? I now own a $34 bathrobe with a new $55 zipper that would look more in place on a parka used to climb Everest. It is so heavy, it actually weighs the bathrobe down.

And this is why I should never be allowed to shop alone…. though I now won’t need another bathrobe for at least twenty years. And I’m pretty sure the zipper will live a lot longer.

One thought on “Why I should never shop alone”

  1. Royce Alden says:

    I have written before of things I ordered on Amazon purely by accident, I have cataracts untreated so far and occasionally I buy stuff and its a SURPRISE!! So far I purchased FOUR small cameras, three that became gifts. I too, cannot return stuff to Amazon, it is too arcane. Um, I did call once about an earlier Kindle and managed to get a replacement without much hassle. I have experimented with bras, sports, medical and finally found BALI bras that are heaven. Husband has discovered Amazon and the basement is filling with BOXES, It has been two year since we shopped at Freddy’s, how it all comes from Amazon. Help.

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