So, in a moment of weakness, I thought I should have a keyless door entry for my front door installed. And then, of course, once you’ve done that, you inevitably want that doorbell camera, so you won’t have to go downstairs to find out who’s there. Or, let’s be real, you want to see who’s there so you know if you want to open the door for them. No guarantee it will be a friend you like.
Yep. Seemed like the best Christmas presents I could give myself once the holiday season had ended. Dear lord was I ever wrong. I mean, really, really wrong.
One of the brightest guys I know came over to install them. Educated and trained in the field. Could not ask for someone better.
Two days later, I would have been happy to throw both devices through a window. Preferably the window of the person who first suggested to me that this would be a good idea.
Getting the keyless entry to work was the easy part. The hard part was convincing it to talk to the doorbell. God, I can remember a time when those words would have been gibberish to me. Good times. But now we live in a different time, a different world. My apparent distaste for any phone but the ones in my home has set me apart as a pariah.
I use my iPad for many things a phone would do, and I don’t have to be annoyed by having it in my pocket all the time. Or having it beep at me when I’m with friends or doing something outside. I am simply not that important that anyone needs to get me in an instance. But when you don’t have a cell phone, you find out there are all kinds of things in which you cannot participate even with your iPad. And mostly, I don’t care. My life is pretty easy and simple now. I am merely sliding downhill to death at this point in my life. So, I really wish the world would leave me with just a few things that don’t need electronics and cell phones.
Don’t get me wrong. They will wrench my iPad from my cold, dead hands. As someone with vision issues and a really bad reading habit – I need at least 4 hours every night or I start going into withdrawal – an iPad allows me to make the print big enough to see. But that’s about it for me and electronic devices. Or it was until the doorbell camera and keyless entry came into my life.
We tried googling. We tried U tube videos. We tried rereading the instructions a million times. Nothing. And I wonder if perhaps there is a place in this world where I can go with my iPad – a place with wi-fi of course – but no other electronics to make my life a living hell.
In the end, the keyless door entry works fine. But oh, that doorbell camera. And microphone. And my desire to have anything to do with it. By the end of the third day, I suggested my wonderful handyman just bring a gun and we’d shoot it. He thought returning it and getting my money back was a better idea. He also thought he needed a week off from doorbell cameras in general or the idea of a gun would not sound as bad.
We are taking a break. And I am wondering what’s wrong with a door with just a bell and a key. Seriously, why did I think I needed to be modern. At my age, old works for me. I understand old. Except for my iPad. Thank you, Steve Jobs. For that alone, you should be sainted.