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Questions that need to be seriously asked

Between Tom Cruise and Richard Gere, who do you most want to just slap till he goes away? Between Paris Hilton and Brittany Spears, who would it most scare you to have represent our civilization to aliens from space? Is there truly any justification anywhere in this universe for the existence of anyone connected with any show that involves eating disgusting things and then acting as though that is a breakthrough for mankind?