Things that frighten me about haute couture

1. The words “haute couture”.

2. I often can’t figure out how one would put the clothing item on.

3. When I can get the same effect by mis-buttoning my sweater and tucking only half of my shirt in, I feel the end of the world is near.

4. The outfit that comes with an umbrella for a hat would only cause my family to pull out the commitment papers again. Not one of them would look at me and think, “My, isn’t she fashionable!”

5. I come from Alaska. When I wear a piece of fur it is to keep me warm. When a coat is shown at a collection with what looks like a red fox tail sewn down the length of the lapel and then hanging over the front of the coat, I know civilization is ending.

6. I don’t know how you sit in leather boots that come up to your crotch without losing all circulation in your lower extremities.