Don’s seat and the hordes

Sarah Palin is like an ocean wave. She rises and falls as waves will do. Sometimes, if it’s a storm wave, it will seem mightier than it is in reality. If it’s just the regular wave, eventually it reaches solid ground and dissipates. That’s our Sarah. Sometimes she hits shore and causes damage. Sometimes she hits shore and disappears into the sand.

She seemingly arises out of nowhere periodically to make statements that scare us all and then she hits the beach and simply disappears into the sand. But along the way, she certainly makes us all sit up, take notice and hope shell go away sooner rather than later. Quite frankly, as an Alaskan, I’m tired of explaining her to friends in the lower 48.

This time around, of course, we are talking about Don Young’s congressional seat. The hordes are emerging from every direction, all seeing a chance to get a lifetime position in DC where it only snows every few years and bunny boots are not considered an acceptable fashion statement. It’s a job that guarantees limited time in Alaska and lots of time on the cocktail circuit. You are an army of one representing all of Alaska. Who wouldn’t want that job? It’s as though it was made for the likes of Sarah who showed us how little work she could do before resigning in exhaustion.

Sarah saying she would be honored to take that seat just sends shivers down my spine. For starts, the women barely has two years of experience in an actual government position. She’s not exactly well read. I can only wonder how she could have opinions on the major problems facing us when she probably would have trouble defining what they actually are. Given that she thinks Fox News is fair and balanced, one can only imagine what she thinks of global warming or income inequality.

And now, to complete this time in the spotlight, she has been endorsed by the former president. Sadly, I fear that here in Alaska, that will win her more votes than she deserves. Why else would the Republicans be running another candidate against Lisa Murkowski if it wasn’t about blind acceptance of the man she voted to impeach. Many of us took that for the kind of political courage we admire and see so rarely. Alaska’s Republican Party saw it differently and so nominated a woman who can, at best, be called a carpetbagger to oppose Lisa.

I don’t know about you, but there are times when Alaska politics go around a corner and move from Serious Blvd. to “You’ve Got To Be Kidding Me” Lane. It would be kind of humorous if it wasn’t for the fact that the rest of the country sees us and giggles.

Right now, along with the lovely Sarah, we have some of the oldest candidates to ever attempt a run for national office, a seriously right wing candidate with a seriously left wing last name (Nick Begich) and Santa Claus. We have candidates who have run and lost numerous elections but figure this is their chance to finally blow through that glass ceiling and arrive in Nirvana – a lifetime job with great pay, great benefits and minimum labor. It’s the cherry on top of the sundae that everyone is reaching for.

I expect that politics are about to become weirder than even Alaskans are used to as the crowd of candidates stomp on each other in their race to finish first. I expect civility will quickly go out the door. Alliances will be made and unmade as though candidates were engaged in an online video battle rather than what should be a serious election to a serious political position. But then, that dream went to hell in a handbasket when Sarah joined the race.

I’m hoping someone decent replaces Dandy Don. And if they can’t be someone decent, can they at least be Santa Claus? Alaska sending an actual Santa Claus from a real North Pole to DC to represent us – now that’s a dream worth having. Laugh at us, America, and see what Santa leaves in your stockings next year.