I am not a holiday person. Not Christmas. Not New Year’s. Not my birthday. Not the Fourth of July. You get the picture. But here’s the thing. A lot of people don’t.
This is probably because my experience has been that most people do like holidays and like celebrating them. They cannot imagine not wanting to. But I don’t. And I’m not alone. I’m just brave enough to say it out loud for the world to hear. Most of us hide in the closet afraid to speak our true feelings because we will be mocked, at a minimum, and shunned for the rest of the time.
Holidays annoy me. Decorations annoy me. Cards that kill trees so a printed message the sender probably didn’t even read annoy me. Sorry. It just doesn’t do it for me or my hidden brethren.
What most of us try to do is grit our teeth to get through the parties, the cookies, the glitter and the songs. Oh god, the songs. They started in September. The song The Twelve Days of Christmas feels like the 12 months of Christmas. Those chestnuts roasting on an open fire are now nothing but ashes. And by now, mommy is doing a lot more than just kissing Santa Claus.
Yep, we grit our teeth, hide in our houses with the lights turned down low and hope none of those flying reindeer land on our rooftops.
For those of you still wondering, yes, I am grumpy. There are lots of grumpy people in this world. The nicest of us grin and bear it when a misguided friend tosses little hearts all over our house as a surprise for Valentine’s Day. Surprise! I’ve already got the sweeper out; the heartfelt glitter is gone, and I wonder again what love has to do with a possibly non-existent man who was killed with arrows. Surely that’s not where the romantic version of arrows through the heart on Valentine’s Day comes from? And if so – ick!
So as everyone celebrates this holiday season with their friends, loved ones and co-workers you kinda like because you have to see them every day, us curmudgeons out here wish you the best. We hope your holiday is as much fun and full of as much food and brings enough gifts to make all your dreams come true. Because we are not trying to spoil your holiday as much as we are asking you to not spoil ours.
How can you spoil a curmudgeon’s non-holiday? Is it even possible? Yes, it is. We love all our friends but at this season we love them a little less if they keep bringing red and green “things” to us. Big red bows. Boughs of holly. Fruit cakes… oh wait, I like fruit cakes. So, if you get any you don’t want and they don’t look like they’ve been passed around a million times already, bring them over. And no, it doesn’t make me weird to not like Christmas but to like its least favorite treat.
It’s hard when you’re a child to admit this. You can’t be an old curmudgeon when you’re 10. And then adulthood hits and you are in the middle of workplace parties, friends’ parties, family get togethers, and those are certainly not the right times or places to make the announcement. But I’m old now. Really, really old. So, I can come out of the closet and say with pride and no shame, “I don’t like the holidays. I never have.”
But you can still bring me those extra fruitcakes if you want.