Am I the only person in the world incapable of whipping egg whites into stiff peaks? Hell, I’ll even take soft peaks. I’ll take anything that even slightly resembles what the picture looks like.
Rock Me Sexy Jesus
How can you not like a movie whose main song is titled, “Rock Me, Sexy Jesus”. While I realize this may not be for everyone, I highly recommend Hamlet 2 to whoever can take a religious joke without taking offense and wants to laugh a lot.
Only 23 days left…..
…and our country will once again be free.
Here’s the difference
Here’s the difference between 16 and 60. When I was 16 and heard Jay and the Americans singing “She Cried” and it got to the line where he kissed her, a kiss that only meant goodbye, my eyes would tear up with romance and emotion. It was just too sad and heartbreaking. Now when I hear it at 60, all I can think is, “I hope it comes back and bites you in the butt, asshole.”
Listen…do you hear what I hear?
That blessed sound is silence. No campaign ads. No Christmas music. No hard sales pitches to get us to buy something we didn’t even know existed until very recently. Enjoy this brief respite. The after Christmas sales are about to hit. But at least they don’t come with annoying music.
And I thought she liked me
Once again I misread sentiment. It’s the story of my love life…such as it was when I had one. And now it even extends to birds. Yesterday, a Great Horned Owl that I have been feeding at Bird TLC for at least a year flew into my face talons first, making me even more attractive now than ever before with little holes around my eye. It wasn’t her fault. She was hungry and I was holding six very tasty mice so you can understand how she lost her patience and thought she’d urge me to put them down quicker by
A top ten fashion list
The following top ten fashion rules for Los Angeles women comes from a reader down in Homer, Barbara Landi. After reading my column on how you can tell you’re getting closer to Alaska by the fashions women are wearing at the airport gates, she sent me the following based on her observations of women at LAX.
1. Let there be gold in your outfit somewhere, preferably everywhere.
2. Thy shoes shall have no backs and be the least comfortable footware on the rack. (Too bad if you have to run to make a connection. You will never make it anyway.)
Exercise
I see people jogging, working out at Curves, riding bikes, all with an intensity I usually reserve for sex. Ok, that I used to reserve for sex back when I had any. As I enter the last stages of middle age, I feel I can now admit that I don’t like exercise, I have never liked exercise and I will probably die not liking to exercise. I simply don’t get what everyone seems so excited about…you know the people I’m talking about…they finish a ten mile jog and are pumped and jumping up and down on endorphins or heroin or
You know you’re old when…..
…you are shaking a bottle that says “Shake well before using” and you feel the skin on your cheeks flapping with the effort.
Another question that must be asked….
So all those southern Republican senators are proud that they managed to scuttle the bailout of the auto industry because unions would not agree to immediate wage cuts. Hmmm….I don’t remember them making the heads of those failed banks and investment houses agree to wage or even bonus cuts before they tossed a gabillion dollars their way, do you?