Author: Elise Patkotak

I grew up as a fat girl. Or maybe I wasn’t. All I know for sure is that my mother made me think I was. We shopped for me at Chubbettes and I still get email solicitations from something called Chubbies.

I’m guessing she didn’t mean to, but my mother left me with a lifelong eating disorder and an unshakable conviction that I was unattractive to men in my fat condition. By the time I was 21, I was so uncomfortable in my own skin that I snuck food into my bedroom even when I was living alone. And once Continue reading →

In my parents’ generation, nothing seemed more important than their children having a better chance than they had. So, they worked their butts off to make sure they could offer us the chance at an education that would lead to a better life. My mom and dad spent their entire lives in an apartment over their grocery store. They did this so that their children would be able to live in nice houses with lawns in the suburbs after they finished college and got the great jobs their education promised.

I think most, if not all, parents today still would Continue reading →

I recently found myself in the unfamiliar position of defending Governor Dunleavy. It was a short but wild ride. The issue at hand was Jeremy Cubas.

My friend was bemoaning the fact that because of resignations in Bronson’s and Dunleavy’s administrations, there is hardly a political hack left in municipal government. Well, she wasn’t so much bemoaning the fact as she was horrified by the reasons for the resignations.

I personally feel that the governor needs to take a good look at the people who are supposed to vet his appointees. Find the one who let Cubas slip by and Continue reading →

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The latest podcast.

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Tourniquets. The latest idea to come out of the Texas Legislature is to teach children in 4^th grade how to put a tourniquet on a bleeding classmate during an active shooting incident.

I wonder how many adults would have the presence of mind to do that. And how much guilt will that 4^th grader feel the rest of his or her life if that classmate dies because they couldn’t tie the tourniquet off with their shaking fingers.

So, we are teaching kids how to duck for cover, lock doors, hide in closets and either stop a classmate from Continue reading →

I like to think my dogs listen to me because they view me as the alpha dog. That’s what I like to think. Given that they only listen to me when I yell the word “TREAT!”, I may not be thinking right. Continue reading →

I have taught my parrot to dance madly while I sing “Silly, silly baby bird.” I swing and dance with him. I’d show a picture but he won’t dance unless I am right next to him doing it and I am not capable of holding my iPad and dancing and singing at the same time. There are some who suggest I can’t even do that without the iPad in my hand.

So you’ll have to take my word on this. My senior years have definitely not been wasted. Continue reading →

As I took my trash and recycle cans to the curb today, I found myself repeating over and over – STOP EFFING SNOWING. JUST STOP EFFING SNOWING!

I hope whoever is in charge of the weather heard me and stops this insanity. It’s May! It’s spring! Stop snowing. For the love of god, stop snowing. Continue reading →

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