Elise Sereni
     Patkotak
Wednesday, June 15, 2016

A study has shown that chronic pot users have a higher incident of gum disease than the general population. Whew! I knew if they looked hard enough they’d find something. Sadly for all the doomsayers in the group, that’s the only thing found. Other than that, pot users not only didn’t have any diseases specifially related to use but actually showed some health benefits.
So by all means, let’s keep alcohol and tobacco legal but pot illegal.
Whoever came up with this crap?

Elise Patkotak • 03:25 AM •
Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Today is/was my parents’ wedding anniversary. I don’t know why I always remember this. I just do.

Elise Patkotak • 03:24 AM •
Monday, June 13, 2016

So it was a mostly gorgeous weekend here in Anchorage. I stayed inside the entire time except for an eagle release I attended. I was very happy. In fact, the only place I can say I ever really wanted to be outside was in the Arctic. The minute I set foot in the Arctic so many decades ago, it felt as though I was taking my first deep breath ever. I was home. And now I’m done with being outside. While the sun shone and the neighbor kids played, I did an hour on my stationary bike inside and was quite content.
I don’t care if it is weird.

Elise Patkotak • 03:21 AM •
Friday, June 10, 2016

No, not Trump’s hair or suspiciously tiny hands. No, what I am sick and tired of is this new look of see through dresses and skirts and boobs so pushed up and out and then taped like a prisoner of war. Either go naked or wear clothes. But naked clothes are so over. I don’t want to see you ass sticking out from under a see through pair of pants. I don’t want to see side boob. I don’t want a slit that goes up the vagina.
Wow. I really needed to get that off my chest.

Elise Patkotak • 11:31 AM •
Thursday, June 09, 2016

Not since Al Gore tried to kiss Tipper onstage at the Democratic National Convention have I seen an embrace as uncomfortable as the one happening between Donald Trump and the Republican Party. It reminds me of dancing with boys for the first time at an 8th grade mixer where neither the boys nor the girls have a clue how to actually dance. Couples clumsily wander across the floor with absolutely no synchronicity. That, in a nutshell, defines the embrace between Republicans and Donald Trump.

It’s actually hard to decide which is more appalling. Is it the Republicans who say they will vote for Trump but won’t actually come out and endorse him? Or is it the Republicans who have come out in support of Trump and then announced their disagreement with just about everything the man they are endorsing proclaims?
Our congressional delegation is doing this dance. They are supporting their party’s candidate with some “reservations”. I’m assuming those reservations include questioning whether a presidential candidate should be issuing thinly veiled threats to the judiciary that he will come for those judges whom he deems unworthy.  I’m hoping those reservations include concerns about handing over nuclear codes to a man so thin skinned that he takes offense at someone pointing out that he’s been married three times.
I’m assuming the Christian conservatives who are clumsily embracing him also have some concerns about how tight the embrace should be. For a party that claims to represent family values, Republicans are endorsing a man who twice divorced his wife to marry his mistress while bragging about cheating on all of them. That simply doesn’t sound like a Christian value to me. And where is that obligatory picture, expected of every other candidate, showing the candidate and his or her family leaving Sunday church services at their regular parish. I’m guessing Trump would have trouble pointing out just which New York City church is where his family regularly worships.
So as the campaign season progresses, it will become more and more interesting to watch Republicans twist themselves into knots swearing they support their nominee while simultaneously disclaiming just about every position he takes. At some point they will have disavowed so many of his positions that we will finally have to point out to them that the emperor has no clothes on. Then they will have to explain their continued support of someone whose positions they can neither adopt nor embrace.
Many Republicans say the only reason they will vote for Trump is their hatred of Hillary. That might be an acceptable statement if Trump was any kind of viable candidate. If there was any chance that once in office he would surround himself with people who actually were qualified to run the government, supporting him might be acceptable. If there was any chance this was all just bluster and show and once in office he would actually grow into being a statesman, supporting him would have at least a modicum of viability. But this is a man who will take orders from no one, who is petty and vengeful, who has no concept of foreign policy, who would compromise our judiciary’s independence, who would – according to economists on all sides of the political spectrum – destroy our economy with his policies. Supporting this man is supporting the destruction of all that once made America great.
So how long can the Republican establishment endorse this man while running as fast as possible away from everything he stands for? How much more outrageous does his Twitter feed have to become before they step back and wonder if betraying their morals and principles to support him is truly a viable option?
Oh wait, that’s right, these are politicians. They have no morals or values that they won’t stomp on to get power, to get re-elected, to make sure their nest is nicely lined for the future. If you’ve spent any time wondering how low politicians will go in order to retain their power, money and influence, I think this election will clearly show us that low spot.
I once again have to wonder… is this really all a plot by the Democrats to destroy the Republicans? Are we sure Trump doesn’t have an offshore account somewhere being filled by Democrats? Sometimes I think that can be the only logical explanation.

Elise Patkotak • 03:39 AM •
Wednesday, June 08, 2016

Ahchoo. Ahchoo. Ahchool.
Son of a bitch. Where’s the cold and snow that will kill these living things that are trying to kill me?

Elise Patkotak • 03:29 AM •
Tuesday, June 07, 2016

Watching Republicans try to support Trump while disavowing everything he says and does. I didn’t think that even politicians could twist themselves up so much. More in my column on Thursday.

Elise Patkotak • 03:20 AM •
Monday, June 06, 2016

I woke up to the sound of rain, a pleasant change from the constant sunshine we’ve been having. My lawn and lilac bushes look very happy about it. My dogs, not so much. They went out very reluctantly and came back as quick as they could empty those little bladders. They are taking the pouring rain VERY personally.

Elise Patkotak • 10:55 AM •
Sunday, June 05, 2016

I actually have a contractor building my front porch who shows up every day early in the morning, works until five and is here every day.
I didn’t think this type of contractor actually existed. I’m used to the ones who show up for two hours a few times a week and tell you they’ll be right back. But they never are.
Anyhow, don’t even ask me his name. It’s a secret until all my projects are completed.

Elise Patkotak • 03:50 AM •
Saturday, June 04, 2016

Come on out to Potter’s Marsh Day today at… where else… Potter’s Marsh. I’ll be there in the afternoon with Kodi, our Cache Crow. Bring your dollar bills. Kodi loves to cache them!

Elise Patkotak • 03:48 AM •
Friday, June 03, 2016

I just wish I could go to sleep and not wake up until Hillary’s inauguration. Then I could miss all the stupidity in-between. To say nothing of the fact that it would be the best nap I’ve had since childhood.

Elise Patkotak • 03:46 AM •
Thursday, June 02, 2016

Given the shenanigans of our current Legislature, it’s sometimes hard to decide which of their actions makes the average Alaskan most crazy. For instance, they are now into the second week of their special session and the utter silence emanating from Juneau is deafening. Yet they are getting paid better for that silence than you will ever be for working your butt off.

Maybe Alaskans have become so accustomed to corrupt officials that it doesn’t even faze us anymore when a legislator does something sleazy. In fact, this one particular sleazy issue goes a long way towards getting Alaska ranked as one of the most corrupt states in the union.
I’m referring to a procedure in the Alaska Senate. If you state a potential conflict of interest in a vote about to be taken, the Senate can simply voice vote that you shouldn’t worry. You can vote on the topic because your fellow senators trust you and know you would never let that conflict interfere with your vote for what was best for all Alaskans.
So right now we have a senate president, Kevin Meyer, who also works for Conoco-Phillips as an investment recovery coordinator. (If you check his senate page online, he lists his occupation but neglects to mention his employer’s name.) He works for the oil industry while crafting and voting on laws that affect his employer’s bottom line. And all he has to do is tell his fellow senators that he has a conflict at which point they all smile and tell him to go right ahead and vote because they don’t see the conflict as influencing his vote. To which I can only say, really?
Another senator, Peter Micciche, lists his employment as commercial salmon fisherman and, oh yeah, Superintendent, Energy Sector. Could he also possibly be employed by Conoco-Phillips and, like Meyer, just doesn’t want to actually list that on his state senate page? Is there some reason these senators don’t want to let the public know who pays them when they aren’t in session?
So given this information, is anyone truly surprised that the oil tax structure is at the center of the gridlock that seems to be gripping Juneau? You can’t really expect Micciche and Meyer to vote against their employer can you? Voting to eliminate some of the benefits we are currently giving to the oil industry would go directly against their own vested interests. These men would rather take money from schools in Alaska than from their bosses in the energy industry.
All of this should not really be that surprising except for one thing. Why have we Alaskans so given up the fight, so succumbed to sleaze overload, so dropped in sheer fatigue from the onslaught of caca coming out of Juneau, that we don’t even blink at this blatant abuse of power? Why do we not care that we have legislators voting on issues that directly affect their own employment, often to the detriment of the Alaskans they purport to represent? Have we truly just given up? Do we figure that the level of corruption in Juneau stinks so badly that we can’t imagine ever truly eliminating it?
A conflict of interest is a serious matter when it comes to legislation that affects all Alaskans. A conflict of interest that involves monetary matters raises concerns over conflicts to a whole new level. This is not the Alaska Senate waiving a conflict of interest issue because someone who works for the industry wants to vote on giving them a good citizenship medal. This is the kind of conflict of interest vote that leads to Alaskans getting the short end of the stick while the oil companies continue to get paid by us to take our oil. And that’s something that should make us all pretty mad, even if we figure ethical politicians are merely a figment of our collective imaginations.
So when you are voting this fall, make sure you know if you are voting for someone who will represent you versus representing his or her employer. Republican, Democrat or Independent, if your vote affects your employer’s bottom line, you should not vote on that issue. And the Senate should certainly not have the power to (wink, wink) waive that conflict. Not even in Alaska should that be tolerated. And we tolerate a whole heckuva lot!

Elise Patkotak • 03:36 AM •
Wednesday, June 01, 2016

Are we really sure that Donald Trump isn’t a plant by the Dems to destroy the Reps?

Elise Patkotak • 03:07 AM •
Tuesday, May 31, 2016

So the greatest demand for pot, and the fastest growing demographic for its use, is seniors. To which I say, welcome back fellow hippies. Now that the kids are gone, isn’t it delightful to munch a brownie, watch reruns of NCIS and not give a crap where your kids are since they are busy worrying where their kids are? We were right in the sixties and we are right now. Ban alcohol. Legalize pot.

Elise Patkotak • 01:04 PM •
Monday, May 30, 2016

Quick, without using google, tell me what we are memorializing.
I didn’t think so.
Enjoy the picnics.

Elise Patkotak • 03:39 AM •

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