Elise Sereni
     Patkotak
Sunday, May 29, 2016

I hear the Alaska legislature is in special session trying to do what it couldn’t do in the regular session or the extended session. But it’s so quiet down in Juneau I have to wonder if they’re really there or just faking us out. Someone should knock on the chamber door and see if anyone is home.
On second thought, isn’t this the definition of insanity - doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. They couldn’t differentiate their asses from a hole in the ground for the first four months. Why do we think a fifth month will be any better?

Elise Patkotak • 03:23 AM •
Saturday, May 28, 2016

Got my hair done at the hairdresser. Dyed. Cut. Styled. Then came home, put on a t-shirt and spent the night hugging dogs and birds while watching TBBT reruns.
But I looked damn fine sitting on that couch.
In my youth, the whole hair thing would have been an excuse to go out. In my old age, it’s just what I have to do once a month to continue to look civilized enough to be in polite company.
All things considered, I’d rather be with my animals. And they don’t give a crap what my hair looks like.

Elise Patkotak • 03:53 AM •
Friday, May 27, 2016

I have been so sick for the past two weeks that I was ready to throw in the towel and see what the next world held. Then I heard an interview with Donald Trump. I can’t move very fast so it took a few seconds before I could change the channel. And in those few seconds, I realized that the reality of Donald Trump as a candidate for president of this country is so disturbing to me that I want to go back to that edge and see if what’s on the other side isn’t better. Can’t imagine how it could be worse.

Elise Patkotak • 03:50 AM •
Monday, May 16, 2016

Been sick for four days now. Sick as in unable to walk from bed to couch without being exhausted. I was going to complain until I heard last night that a wonderful lady who once worked for me, Sarah Jacoby, died on Sunday. Suddenly I found myself very grateful that I could still bitch and moan about my illness… something Sarah can no longer do. And knowing Sarah, something she never did.

Elise Patkotak • 10:48 AM •
Wednesday, May 11, 2016
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Elise Patkotak • 03:31 PM •

Read all about how Alaska’s congressional delegation thinks party unity is more important than national security.

Elise Patkotak • 03:34 AM •
Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Bird TLC already has its first clutch of mallard babies. This is pretty early but given the mild winter not surprising.
Please be careful if you plan to cut any trees down. Check for nests first. The birds don’t ask for a lot of time to raise their young. If you can hold off on a nest with a tree for just a little times, the babes will fly off on their own soon enough. Unlike millennials, they aren’t allowed to remain in the nest for long at all.

Elise Patkotak • 03:49 AM •
Monday, May 09, 2016

I’m officially as annoyed with Bernie Sanders and his campaign as possible. I am sick and tired of all the posts from Alaskans for Bernie Sanders that keep showing up in my email. Every time I block one, they use someone else’s name to still get to me. I’m tired or being badgered. I’m tired of him lecturing me. If I wanted to listen to an old man kvetch, I could just go to a family dinner. He and his badgering campaign have officially and completely pushed me into Hillary’s camp.
And if anyone has the secret to stop those damn emails from filling up my in box, please, oh please, let me know the secret.

Elise Patkotak • 10:26 AM •
Sunday, May 08, 2016

Donald Trump now has Sarah Palin threatening Paul Ryan over his non-support of Trump. The crazy has the crazier making totally insane comments. Yep, we’ve been swallowed up by a black hole of ignorance and insanity. And I say that with all due respect to those people with mental illnesses, most of whom are more capable than either Donald or Sarah to run this country.

Elise Patkotak • 10:54 AM •
Friday, May 06, 2016

My website will soon be gravitating elsewhere. I’ll let you know as soon as I know if there is anything you need to do. You may just come here one day and find it has been refreshed and upgraded and you never noticed a blip. That’s not my usual luck but I can always hope.

Elise Patkotak • 03:39 AM •
Wednesday, May 04, 2016

Ever wonder how they plan to enforce the rules on using bathrooms based on the sex with which you were born? Check out my column today in the Alaska Dispatch News or my posting tomorrow for the answer.

Elise Patkotak • 03:58 AM •
Tuesday, May 03, 2016

I can’t decide who would make me throw up quicker if I were forced to have sex with him… Ted Cruz, Donald Trump or Bill Clinton.  It’s a true toss up. Though just seeing Trump and Cruz makes me throw up in my mouth a little so they definitely have the advantage here.

Elise Patkotak • 03:56 AM •
Monday, May 02, 2016

Aside from the fact that I was never in shape to wear a see through dress, I have to say that I find them distinctly unattractive. If you are going to go naked, then just go naked. Throwing some gauzy number over your body while taping your boobs to strategically placed dots on the gauze just looks stupid.

Elise Patkotak • 10:54 AM •
Friday, April 29, 2016

In case you haven’t seen it yet, there was an article in the ADN yesterday about Alaska Senate President Kevin Meyer having a $100 meal with lobbyists a week before voting to buy the LIO building in Anchorage. Oh, did I mention the lobbyists worked for the owner of the building. Anyhow, here’s what Meyer’s had to say about the issue:
“Meyer said that the idea that lawmakers should pay for their own meals when they dine with lobbyists is a “topic worth discussion.” But the very idea seemed to perplex him.
“We could pay for our own way,” he said. “I’m just trying to think how that would work.”

OH DEAR LORD! Here’s how it works. The check hits the table. Everyone takes out their wallet and pay for their portion.
See, that wasn’t hard to figure out, now was it? Even a politician should be able to follow the protocol without much difficulty.

Elise Patkotak • 03:36 AM •
Tuesday, April 26, 2016

I was totally blocked on this week’s column. Thought I couldn’t do one more piece about the incompetence coming out of Juneau. But then I thought of how they call themselves fiscal conservatives and it was like a steam engine blowing. It took less than an hour to draft out the column. I guess I still have things I want to say to that clown car we call a legislature. It will appear here on Thursday or read it Wednesday in the Anchorage Dispatch News.

Elise Patkotak • 03:57 AM •

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