Elise Sereni Patkotak

If government bureaucrats functioned at the same level of the US Congress, even their unions would not be able to save their jobs. So why are we still paying Congressional salaries?

Unless something intelligent comes out of Congress in the very near future (and seriously, what are the chances of that happening?), a lot of people are going to be out of work or on shortened workweeks. They will suddenly find themselves with a paycheck that doesn’t cover the bills. Welcome to sequestration. Congressmen and women, however, will continue to receive their salaries and platinum plan health benefits. And that’s

Bird TLC has a surfeit of Bohemian Waxwings who need Mountain Ash berries. They have cleaned us out of most of what we had for the winter. Darn they do like those berries!

Also, as always, if you are cleaning you freezer in preparation for spring hunting and fishing, we always need salmon and red meat. Nothing processed though. We’ve already admitted our 21st eagle since January 1 so the salmon is going fast.

Thanks to everyone who helps support Bird TLC. I would add a tweet tweet from the birds but the eagles have asked me not to do

TV is advertising a show titled “Celebrity Wife Swap”. Why would you watch a show titled Wife Swap at all, let alone celebrity wife swap? We are rapidly approaching the nadir of culture and civilization in the country when shows like this are being aired with a straight face and not as a skit on SNL.

It took Congress two years after the expiration of the Violence Against Women act to reauthorize it because it contained language offensive to conservatives about protections for gay, lesbian and transgendered people. What? Conservatives don’t believe they should be able to marry, enjoy the same rights against discrimination that the rest of us enjoy and now they should be allowed to be beaten and abused without penalty because of who they are?

Way to be Christian!

It seems appropriate that I comment on the pope situation on a Sunday. Growing up Catholic… and I do mean CATHOLIC… I thought the pope ruled the world and the president helped the pope in America. Turns out that the Vatican is every bit as dysfunctional as Washington, proving that prayer alone is not enough. Nor are all male institutions automatically better than those that allow women in. This is a lesson Congress is slowly and painfully learning. It’s a lesson the Vatican may never learn so long as it provides the perfect cover for the biggest gay club in

Who’d have thought we’d live to see the day when I handle my finances better that both Wall Street and the Federal Government. Mind you, I don’t have more money than any of them, but what I do have balances out at the end of every month while meeting my needs. Maybe I can offer them a seminar?

The pictures of Paris Hilton posing with her bleeding boyfriend on a stretcher behind her are some of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. That girl truly does have the depth and breath of a flattened moth wing.

My grandparents sent their children to public school because they couldn’t afford anything else. As Italian immigrants who were mostly illiterate, they were thrilled that their children were receiving an education. They figured they could handle the religious stuff at home.

When I was growing up, my parents made a different choice. They sent my brother, my sister and me to exclusively Catholic schools. They didn’t have a lot of spare cash, and sometimes the parish kicked in that year’s tuition if they were short. But one way or another, all three of us were in Catholic school from pre-kindergarten

I am no longer responsible for my questionable fashion choices. I went to get my eyes refracted to find out that I’ve lost not only my night vision but a lot of depth perception and color vision. So despite the fact that my sister insists on pointing out that my fashion sense preceded my eye issues, that’s where I’m placing the blame. You can’t expect me to put things together tastefully if I can neither see them in their true colors, their true depths or at night.

And now it’s time for Fashion Police.

I was putting my bird back in his cage. The door he uses is at the top of the cage and folds out. He got in and before I could secure it, had a spat with his cage mate causing him to fall backwards into the unsecured door which flew open and nailed me right on the bridge of my nose.

May I just say two things here. One… OUCH@!  And two… damn noses bleed a lot.