Columns 2012

Breakup is not for wimps

Ah breakup in Alaska – streets with puddles deep enough to qualify as Olympic diving venues, cars sending up waves you could surf, potholes that could swallow Cincinnati, and sidewalks covered with water that covers a sheet of ice that sends you sliding a good 500 feet before landing on your petootie. Yep, breakup, that time of year when all real Alaskans already have a plane ticket to somewhere, anywhere, else.

Let me just say that for any faults life in Barrow might have, at least the far north knows how to do breakup. It happens only once a year.

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Prop 5

I’ve read and heard people being berated for supporting Proposition 5 by being called liberals. And I have to wonder. When did basic civil rights become only a liberal cause?

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Say you’re an atheist

When you work out of your home, you get to meet the many people who you would otherwise only know from the things they hang on your doorknob. They are usually startled when an actual person answers their quiet knock. I invariably open the door just as they are hanging something on the doorknob. In order to keep their lives at least a little interesting, when someone comes by with a religious tract or invitation to save the world through prayer to some deity, I always politely tell them I’m an atheist. Then I smile sweetly and thank them for

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Such are the ravings

Apparently I would not only do Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory but I would throw Gibbs overboard for a chance at Dekes from NCIS:LA.

Such are the late night ravings of a dirty old woman.

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Columns 2012

Hold your nose and vote

I grew up on the East Coast where political traditions seemed a little different than here. Our politicians were expected to be jovial, convivial, able to walk into a Sons of Italy Hall and know half the people there while shaking the hands of everyone they’d yet to meet. Being honest ran a distant second to being charming, friendly, approachable, and able to get the potholes filled on your street for a simple donation to the campaign.

Politicians from my youth did all that despite the fact that the election had probably been bought long before the first vote was

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I would so do him

Who? Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory. And I know that makes me a very dirty old lady and I don’t care. He is sexy in the most unbelievably nerdy way possible. I would do him in a heartbeat.

Geez, I thought these hormones weren’t supposed to be firing anymore in my body.

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What the hell….?

So there I am, all cozy and warm and, may I add, totally sober, watching the new Muppets Movie. The first notes of Rainbow Connection start playing and suddenly I am sobbing like a newborn baby who just got slapped on her bottom. I am singing the song at the top of my lungs and sobbing the whole time.

What the hell was that all about?

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