Elise Sereni Patkotak

I sit here with a box next to my desk that contains my new combination fax/scanner/printer. It’s main purpose is to replace an 11 year old fax machine that sits at my desk and groans and creaks like a bridge about to give way every time it prints a fax. The noise is so loud I have to leave the room if I’m on the phone. So why haven’t I taken it out of its box and set it up yet? I’ll tell you why. Because, kids, back in the day before you were a zygote in your mother’s womb,

Imagine if we’d raised his taxes and fed a hungry kid with that money instead of letting him build a $12 million mansion with it? I mean, what did that kid ever do to earn the right to not be hungry in America?

Or can the same phenomenon be seen all over the country? You know, the one where you see a small convertible in red or black and without even looking closely you know it’s being driven by a middle aged white man. Is this really the best they can do for a mid-life crisis?  Hasn’t it just reached the point of embarrassing cliche?

So some idiot jihadist has called for a fatwah on David Letterman for a joke he told. And Letterman shared the glory by showing the writer who came up with the joke. And I thought to myself that it figured that the only time the writer gets credit is when someone issues a fatwah about something they wrote.

MARK YOUR CALENDARS!!!!

Bird TLC’s Autumn Wings Festival

Saturday, August 27th from 12:00-4:00 pm

15510 Old Seward Highway

Join Bird TLC for a fun-filled celebration of birds, wildlife, the outdoors, and Alaska’s version of autumn. Visit with our live education eagles, owls, falcons, hawks, songbirds, and corvids.

Activities will include:

-Dance, laugh, and enjoy music by the Alaska Button Box Gang

-Watch Bird TLC presenters and education birds strut their stuff in the “Project Runway” Bird TLC Program at 1:00 pm

-Show off your talents and knowledge of birds by joining the bird calling contest at 1:30 pm

-Learn and

What is wrong with us as a society that we are no longer content to focus on one chore at a time in order to get that chore accomplished completely and well? According to recent reports, scientists have studied multi-taskers and found that they perform none of their multiple tasks very well at all.  To which I can only say, “DUH!”

I once watched a man driving a truck turn right onto the Old Seward from Dowling Road.  He had a phone to his ear. He had a notepad on a clipboard leaning on the steering wheel. He had a

Spent yesterday morning trying to convince a very unhappy goshawk to let me shove some red meat down its throat without taking my fingers off. I still have my fingers and he got some meat… the moral is never mess with an Italian who’s trying to feed you. God I love volunteering at Bird TLC!

I must once again whine about the horrendous allergy season I am experiencing here in Anchorage this year. This is the worse I’ve suffered since childhood. Even my dog is showing acute signs of allergies, almost sneezing herself onto her back legs trying to clear her little nostrils. So what government black op has dumped what almost undetectable poison in our air this year to test whether they can sap the will of the entire population by causing four months of non-stop sneezing and stuffed noses? For what it’s worth, you win. You’ve sapped my strength. I’ll tell you anything

It is the last silence we will be allowed before the presidential campaigns of all those monotonously boring people begin in ernest. Thank god for Ron Paul. At least he’s a refreshing breeze blowing through a deadly cloud of bullshit.

…I was suddenly thrown into a flashback of the years in grade school where I memorized the entire catechism in order to compete in the diocesan-wide catechism memorization without comprehension annual contest. I could rattle off the questions and answers in the entire book almost without breaking to take a breath. But I didn’t have the faintest friggin’ idea what half of it meant.