Elise Sereni Patkotak

Charlie Sheen’s kids are fucked from the get go. They don’t stand a chance of ever knowing what normalcy is all about. If he wasn’t Charlie Sheen and that Brook lady wasn’t their mother, the state would have stepped in a long time ago and taken those kids away until both parents sobered up and got a clue. But the law is different for the rich. That’s disgustingly clear.

I was going to write a whiny column about how sick I’ve been all winter and how unfair, in general, life has been to me recently. Then I read Julia O’Malley’s story about the 18 year old with Cystic Fibrosis. I wish I could say that made everything fall into perspective and put my little illnesses in their proper place. But I’m really not that noble. I still feel sorry for myself. I just feel worse for the young lady with CF.

Back in prehistory when I attempted the amazing profession of nursing, I worked on a pediatric unit in

Am I too old to become Colin Firth’s prime stalker? Because I’d really, really like to spend my days just watching his mouth move.

God… is that sicker than I should be admitting in any public forum?

I was prepared to like the movie Red. Helen Mirren, Morgan Freeman, John Malkovich… what’s not to like. And it would have been easy to like if the producers had just for once resisted the temptation to have the aging hero fall for a beautiful young lady who falls for him. Seriously, have we not reached the point where we can show mature adults in a mature relationship without creating one that makes you cringe because of its overtones of dirty old man and little girl?

Bruce Willis in no longer a young man. It’s time for him to be

So apparently Republicans consider Michelle Obama fair game now. OK. She’s a political wife and engaging in political activities. So have at her political views.

But wait… seems the Republicans are attacking her for being fat, not politically incorrect.  Have any of them seen Mike Huckabee recently? Seems like he’s put on a few of those pounds he so proudly lost a few years ago. Does this mean Dems should attack him for being fat and therefore incapable of being anything but the Pillsbury Doughboy?

Once again, no matter how intelligent or educated a woman may be, she is judged

It’s Oscar night. I get to sit in my tiara while sipping a smart cocktail and laughing at movie stars who dress even worse than me despite having fashion consultants.

Life doesn’t get much better.

I feel like I’ve been sick all winter and I’m tired of it. Tired, I say. So, despite my love of winter and cold and snow, I must say at this point I want it to be warm and spring and sunshine in the hope that the warmth will finally kill the bugs that have taken up what seems like permanent residence in my respiratory system.

Big headline in the paper last week…. foods loaded with fats and sugars can be addictive.

Well, thank god that mystery is finally out in the open.

We Alaskans like to think of ourselves as independent folk making our way through a wilderness the lower 48 cannot hope to understand. We don’t let the reality of the fact that the majority of us live in decidedly urban areas with all the amenities we could want at hand interfere with this image. We are the citizens of the Last Frontier and we don’t need the feds telling us what to do.

This message can sound odd in DC when, on the one hand, we proclaim ourselves independent pioneers taming the last great wilderness and, on the other hand,

When I am sick with a miserable cold and cough, being chirpy and cheery on my blog is more hard work than it’s worth. So let’s just cut straight to the truth. I feel absolutely horrible and I want someone to invent a vaccines within the next ten minutes that they can give me in the next twenty minutes so I don’t have to feel this way anymore or ever in the future.

So why are you still reading this and wasting time? Go find this cure…. immediately!