Elise Sereni Patkotak

I used to easily pull all nighters in my youth. It occurs to me now that I’ve reached an age where the only way that is apt to happen again is if I’m in a hospital and the nurse is waking me up every 30 minutes to take my vital signs.

Another sign there is no hope for the future of civilization…. there is an actual site on the web entitled, “Celebrities eating”. And yes, it is exactly what it sounds like. Pictures of celebrities eating. Not surprisingly, it turns out they do it with their mouths, just like you and me.

I wish Bristol and Levi all the success in the world in their marriage but…. please, oh please media…. do not force us to live through a barrage of wedding coverage that will make us all want to spit up and hide in holes while plugging our ears… oh wait, I already want to do that because of the political campaigns now being waged so I guess I can just kill two birds with one stone.

I’m sure Mr. James is a very nice and talented man. But really, do we need to treat his decision to play basketball in another town that will pay him more with the same awe, attention and overblown hype as the second coming? Actually, I find myself wondering if the second coming would even get as much attention unless Jesus has recently learned how to jump up and hold on to the rim of the net while doing whatever it is players do while holding on to the rim…. honestly, I’ve never really cared enough to figure it out.

I

After almost forty years in Alaska, I can now say with some certainty that the most important thing I’ve learned is to never mess with a guy’s truck, dog or gun.  His wife and/or girlfriend will simply have to fend for themselves.

I guess it’s the nature of the political beast. In order to win the most votes, you have to say things so vague that the electorate can pretty much read anything they want into it, thereby ensuring that they think you represent them.

Imagine the shock most of us feel when that turns out not to be true.

Let’s take a recent statement uttered by Our Gal, Temporary Sal.  Yes, I know this is like shooting fish in a barrel but she is so good at this stuff that it’s hard not to go to her barrel when looking for

All praise ye, mighty fern. You insist on surviving though planted in the death spot in my yard.  You don’t look as happy as your brethren nearby in the sweet spot. But you bravely hold your head up as high as you can and defy the death spot to defeat you. I salute your courage.

Whenever I am anywhere near my kitchen, my dog Blue follows at my heels as close as she possibly can without having me actually trip over her and banish her to the back yard. She looks like she is absolutely devoted to me. In reality, she is devoted to whatever might fall on the floor while I’m in the kitchen. So… every once in awhile, just to mess with her, I’ll lean down and call her to my outstretched hand. She will eagerly cover the few steps that separate us in the belief that my hand holds food. It doesn’t

Here in Anchorage, we have these insects that appear in what we laughingly refer to as our summer.  They are big overall but very tiny in their individual parts. When they come into your home, they don’t fly as much as they bounce around on your walls.

Every summer they come in to my home while I hold the door open and scream at the dogs to get in and stop dawdling because mosquitoes are coming in with these other insects.  And every year at lease one insect couple have a honeymoon on my wall. I know this is happening

A friend asked me this question recently as we walked the dogs one weekend. She had just spent a lot of money to care for one of her dogs who, I am happy to report, is now much better and back to doing what he does best… distributing dog hair over every surface of her house. I had recently spend almost as much money on Blondie’s dental surgery. We were commiserating about the costs and she clearly wondered if we all just hadn’t lost our collective minds over how much we paid for our pets.

I didn’t know how to