I finally got the meringue to whip up into peaks and made a gorgeous sugar free lemon meringue pie. Unfortunately, I’ll never know if it was also tasty because the tin pie plate folded in half as I took it out of the oven and it smashed to my floor and splatter into crevices I didn’t even know existed in my kitchen until I had to figure out how to clean them. I cleaned it up for the better part of 45 minutes and was proud that I’d managed to get the whole sticky mess taken care of and then
Meringues
Am I the only person in the world incapable of whipping egg whites into stiff peaks? Hell, I’ll even take soft peaks. I’ll take anything that even slightly resembles what the picture looks like.
Rock Me Sexy Jesus
How can you not like a movie whose main song is titled, “Rock Me, Sexy Jesus”. While I realize this may not be for everyone, I highly recommend Hamlet 2 to whoever can take a religious joke without taking offense and wants to laugh a lot.
Only 23 days left…..
…and our country will once again be free.
Here’s the difference
Here’s the difference between 16 and 60. When I was 16 and heard Jay and the Americans singing “She Cried” and it got to the line where he kissed her, a kiss that only meant goodbye, my eyes would tear up with romance and emotion. It was just too sad and heartbreaking. Now when I hear it at 60, all I can think is, “I hope it comes back and bites you in the butt, asshole.”
Listen…do you hear what I hear?
That blessed sound is silence. No campaign ads. No Christmas music. No hard sales pitches to get us to buy something we didn’t even know existed until very recently. Enjoy this brief respite. The after Christmas sales are about to hit. But at least they don’t come with annoying music.
In the hope of offending one and all, Happy Holidays and Merry Xmas
It being Christmas, I thought I’d write a column about volunteers since this seems to be the right season to remember all those who offer freely of their time and energy to make our world a little better place. I was thinking of everyone from CASAs to the ushers at the PAC. Each gives a little of themselves to something that is particularly near and dear to their hearts in the hope that by doing so, they can share their enthusiasms with others.
During this holiday season, people seem more in tune with the need to return some of the
And I thought she liked me
Once again I misread sentiment. It’s the story of my love life…such as it was when I had one. And now it even extends to birds. Yesterday, a Great Horned Owl that I have been feeding at Bird TLC for at least a year flew into my face talons first, making me even more attractive now than ever before with little holes around my eye. It wasn’t her fault. She was hungry and I was holding six very tasty mice so you can understand how she lost her patience and thought she’d urge me to put them down quicker by
A top ten fashion list
The following top ten fashion rules for Los Angeles women comes from a reader down in Homer, Barbara Landi. After reading my column on how you can tell you’re getting closer to Alaska by the fashions women are wearing at the airport gates, she sent me the following based on her observations of women at LAX.
1. Let there be gold in your outfit somewhere, preferably everywhere.
2. Thy shoes shall have no backs and be the least comfortable footware on the rack. (Too bad if you have to run to make a connection. You will never make it anyway.)
Exercise
I see people jogging, working out at Curves, riding bikes, all with an intensity I usually reserve for sex. Ok, that I used to reserve for sex back when I had any. As I enter the last stages of middle age, I feel I can now admit that I don’t like exercise, I have never liked exercise and I will probably die not liking to exercise. I simply don’t get what everyone seems so excited about…you know the people I’m talking about…they finish a ten mile jog and are pumped and jumping up and down on endorphins or heroin or