You know you’re really irrelevant when you throw a birthday dinner for the pope at the White House and he can’t find the time to attend, even though he’s in town.
Are you listening, George? You have now become totally irrelevant. You have become so irrelevant that some polls list you below Brittany Spears in world influence. Man, that’s gotta sting! You can’t beat out a psychotic, aging pop diva whose main claim to fame in recent years has been that she married the most useless man on the fact of this earth. Ouch!
Hmmmmmm
My sister and brother are at the Outer Banks in North Carolina trying to stay warm in sixty degree weather. I am in Anchorage waiting for the snow predicted for Monday and wondering how I could have been so stupid as to take off my studded snow tires before May. Yet I wouldn’t change places with them for anything. Because the other day I took a walk in the gently falling spring snow while listening to the birds complaining like hell about the havoc the snow was wreaking on their nest building plans and the buds on the trees visibly
My friends continue to age
Today Leslie turns sixty. I’d feel a whole lot more like gloating over that were it not for the fact that she still looks better than most women half her age…and certainly better than me. I’ll save my gloating until she actually looks her age. No matter how long I have to wait!
My apologies to the people of Anchorage
I took my snow tires off a week ago. Clearly I was tempting the fates with that move. The fates have responded with snow. I apologize. Next year I won’t take the snow tires off until July.
Pot is not the enemy
Every once in a while, I am forced to face the fact that the war on drugs is an abject failure, yet lack of a spine in way too many politicians has made a rational, national discussion of this issue practically impossible. Which is just pathetically sad because the billions of dollars and thousands of lives lost to this hopeless war could have been much better spent in treating people with a problem, to say nothing of how much we’d save if we emptied our jails of people whose only crime was pot.
This issue comes to the forefront again
I go to the gas station…
I fill my tank…I avert my gaze from the price per gallon sign…I drive away depressed.
Thank god oil company executives have their annual income safely stashed. I would hate to think of them having to worry about this the way us common folk do.
Rumsfeld…Ashcroft
Have they been taken back up by the mother ship? Or are they hiding their heads in shame at the fraud and deceit they perpetrated on America? Or do I just follow the wrong news and that’s why they seem to have disappeared from sight? Then again, where is Condi Rice? Hmmm…never mind. I’d just as soon we didn’t find her either. Knowing the whereabouts of George Bush is all the pain I can stand today.
Why I will never be successful as a rich person
My friend hired a limo to take everyone to and from her 50th birthday party. Good for her. Keeps the roads safe and let’s people have a chance to drink and let their hair down without worrying about making it home ok. Problem is that the limo picked me up first and I had to direct the driver to everyone else’s houses for pick up. I felt so stupid sitting in the back of this stretch limo…a very bad Driving Miss Daisy kind of feeling. I felt compelled to make small talk. I felt compelled to make friends with the
Wrong again
First I bought an 8 track and cassettes caught on. Now I have a DVD player and I’m told something called Bluetooth is winning. Hell, I didn’t even know there was a competition happening. I thought blue tooth was something rappers wore who couldn’t afford diamond teeth. I don’t even know what a Bluetooth looks like. Oh god. The world is truly outstripping my ability to even pretend to keep up.
So I’m guessing this means that I should throw out my eight track player because for sure it’s not coming back. Right?
It must be spring in Alaska
My trees are starting to put out buds amidst the snow flakes coming down.