It’s a fight to the finish between me and my dogs over who will get to the raspberries first. They go out, grab the branches they can reach and pull them till they break. Then they sit there and munch on the raspberries they’ve pulled down with the branch. Apparently no one has told these dogs they are carnivores.
Condiments
There should be some sort of federal law that says no matter what the date stamped on the jar might read, all condiments in the refrigerator door need to be recycled through the trash when they become seven years old…even mustard. Apparently old mustard can make you sick. Who knew?!
Pretzels
Am I the only one who considers pretzels merely the most efficient conveyance system to get mustard from the jar to my mouth?
Alaskans better develop a sense of humor…quickly
There are probably few Alaskans left by now who have not heard the best lines from The Simpsons Movie repeated again and again, often by relatives living elsewhere who call specifically to quote them to us. For those of you who have been living in a salmon creek since the movie debuted, those lines are as follows: “Alaska, where you can’t be too drunk or too fat.” And, spoken by an official handing them money as the family crosses into Alaska, “Welcome to Alaska. Here’s a thousand dollars.” Finally, “We pay everyone in Alaska to let us destroy the environment.”
Here’s a thought
Since Congress seems to be in the mood to pass laws that take away our constitutional rights without much of a fuss, I’d like to propose a new law for them to pass. It would simply state that anyone whose name has been in People or Us magazine more than twice in one year cannot reproduce EVER!
Am I really that clueless about bras?
The bra my friend Jodie bought me as a joke gift for my joke 50th birthday this year fits me better than the bras I buy myself. What am I doing wrong?
Ah sunshine
Every day the sun was out this month…and yes, non-believers, it was out here in Anchorage for the better part of a week…I took all my birds out on the deck to enjoy the sunshine, fresh air and sounds of wild birds. All are in cages except for Abdul, my African grey, who can’t fly and loves to just wander on the deck. He lords it over all the others that he’s free and they’re not by doing his best strut up and down in front of their cages. Then, just in case they don’t get the point, he tries
I didn’t think it was possible but…
By weight, my dogs shed at least four pounds of hair per month in my car. And that doesn’t even count what is shed in the house. Surely there must be a way to collect this and use it as an alternative energy source. It certainly is renewable.
Why I am lucky to live in Alaska – reason 9,999
I spent the other evening sitting on my deck with the sun shining and the mountains in the background. My birds were all in their outdoor cages and on the deck with me. Baby and Kenya were clinging to the side of their cage, sure that I’d brought them out there for some dastardly motive. Captain and CB sat side by side, resigned to the fact that a couple of times each year I lose all sanity and make them sit in a small cage under a big green thing that sways in the breeze and could contain god knows
Eating bugs
Not only do Blue and Blondie eat grass, but they apparently eat bugs too. As we walk, Blue’s head swivels from side to side with each bee or bug that flies by and then I see her jaws snap shut and then she’s chewing. And all I can think is that this is the same mouth that wakes me up with a lick each morning. I know, I know. Dogs do way worse things with their mouths than eat bugs but for some reason, this is the thing that makes me want to run from the room screaming “EEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!”