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I think my dog is an alien

How else to explain the fact that I can brush her for an hour, remove enough hair to stuff a pillow and five minutes later see her visibly shedding more hair on my couch. Maybe there is life on the dog star Sirius and she has come to me from there….

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Columns 2007

It’s no secret why Alaska Native women are treated so badly

Here’s one of those things you just never really forget.  I was enjoying a social evening with friends some years back in Barrow. One of the people sitting around the table was a police officer. He told us a story, a story that obviously disturbed him. I think he hoped someone around the table could explain it so wouldn’t seem so bad.

Here’s the story.  A husband and wife were picked up by the police for public intoxication and placed in separate cells for their own protection until they sobered up. This was hardly the first night they’d spent in

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I have to stop watching TV while I feed the birds

Not only do I now know the dialog from every episode of Golden Girls by heart but I’ve recently found out that Family Feud is still on the air with like its 800th host. I am still amazed by the families that show up. In my entire large, extended, loud and crazed family, I can think of maybe two people who would willingly go on that show…and you know who you are Marina and Mary.

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Am I the only one who thinks it’s stupid?

So I’m watching the 4500th rerun of the Nanny as I feed and clean my birds in the morning and on comes that commercial for Boniva (Boneeva?), a calcium supplement that Sally Fields is flogging. Once I get over the shock of the Flying Nun being old enough to do a commercial for calcium supplements and actually listen to the copy I realize she’s suggesting it’s easier to remember to do something once a month rather than once a day.  Huh? Do advertisers really think we’re that stupid? And the pitch she gives is that she has a friend who

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I can’t believe it happened again

I can’t believe another year has gone by and I’ve once again been left off People Magazine’s list of 100 most beautiful people. Sure, Brangelina made it again. And that silly George Clooney.  And all those other people who are just such yesterday’s news. But me? A beautiful, mature woman who wears her years proudly if only because she can’t afford plastic surgery?  Once again, I have inexplicably dropped off the end of the list.  Damn!

PS – George, if you like a little salt and pepper in your salad, call me.

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Among the oh so many things I didn’t know

I have three smoke alarms in my house, all hard wired into my electric system. I thought I was set.  Never had to worry so long as I could look up and see that comforting green light saying they were working.

Well, it turns out that smoke alarms have a life span of about ten years before their efficiency starts a pretty steep downward spiral. Who knew?

I know now because a very nice friend who is also a rabid fireman came over, checked them all, pulled them off the walls, bought me three new ones, and installed them, all

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Here’s an idea

Washington State is poised to pass a bill forbidding text messaging while driving. Other states have banned anything but hands free cell phone use.  Here’s a suggestion. Why not just ban the idiots who think they can do those things and drive. Think of how much safer and less congested our roads would be. Think of how it would help global warming.  Think of what a pleasure it would be to drive without fear that some fool is watching a video while driving.  Think!

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Columns 2007

A violence soaked society breeds violence

There’s probably not much left to be said about the shooting at Virginia Tech last week. But I do want to say this. I don’t want to live in a society in which we have to arm teachers in the classroom so they can kill anyone threatening our children. That’s how it may be in war torn Third World countries. But not here. Not in America.

That may sound ludicrous, but it was the first response of one of my friends as a way to avoid future tragedies.  “Arm all the teachers”, he said. And he was serious. “If just

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Am I the only person….

…in America who has never watched American Idol or cares to?  For that matter, I seem to have missed the entire reality show craze, having never actually either seen one or felt I was missing anything if I didn’t.  You really want to be entertained, watch Bleak House on PBS.  Now that’s entertainment.

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