Elise Sereni Patkotak

So Leslie and I are walking the dogs and engaged in animated conversation when we look up and see two moose about three feet in front of us staring fixedly at Blondie. Blue, of course, was too busy sniffing to even notice the moose.  Blondie was nose to nose sniffing the moose.  Leslie and I quickly turned, dragged the dogs away, and went fast in the other direction. So I guess my dogs are not going to be good moose detectors for me on walks.

The oldies radio station here has been playing nothing but Christmas carols since the end of November. It’s enough to make an almost sane person cross the line.  Since I barely register as almost sane, I’m the person in the car next to you who is screaming at her radio.  You don’t even want to know what I’m saying.  Suffice to say that it’s not exactly in the Christmas spirit…whatever that might be.

My brother and two male cousins, friends for almost sixty years, are putting up a shelf in my sister’s closet.  As these three New Jersey Italian males stand there in the closet, each with his own idea of who should be holding what at what angle, one says, “Can anyone find a stud in here?” I have to run up the stairs to keep my head from exploding.

Are you aware that there is something called the Bedazzler being sold on TV that puts sequins on your clothes?  There’s a whole world out there that I simply don’t understand.

To all subscribers to my website mailing list. I don’t have a clue what to use it for but you’ll be the first to know if I figure it out.

Here’s the way it goes with me and my sister. She came upstairs wearing a pair of pants and asked me if I thought they looked too big. I told her they looked like something I would wear and she would argue with me about.  I didn’t have to say anything else. They’re at the tailor’s.

Time spent in airports is time lost forever from your life. It can never be recouped and it only subtracts from the quality of your life.  Reading ameliorates this condition only to the extent that you can still focus on the text after sitting for eight hours waiting for a delayed flight after you’ve already been traveling for 10 hours. We can send people to the moon in more comfort than we can travel in airports.

Any MacDonald’s product eaten in an airport while waiting for a flight that has been delayed more than one hour has no calories or ability to clog your artieries.

If a politician can’t go on the Daily Show and “get it”, they don’t deserve my vote.