All those covers

Some people on the far right have been complaining that as beautiful as Melania is, she hasn’t gotten anywhere near the number of magazine covers that Michelle Obama had.

Aside from how silly this question is  (seriously, how many glamorous magazine covers were Laura Bush or Hillary Clinton on?), let’s look at some other reasons why these publications seemingly favored Michelle.

1. Michelle looked like she was having fun and enjoyed being First Lady. Melania doesn’t.

2. Michelle and her husband actually seemed to love each other and that gave her a glow. Melania looks like she wishes she could crawl into a hole somewhere rather than continue to live in close proximity to her husband. Michelle glows. Melania glowers.

3. Michelle Obama has an actual woman’s figure. She wears dresses of normal size that most women can imagine wearing. Melania looks like her last meal was last week. Most women her age don’t wear size 0.

4. Michelle Obama’s face is the one she was born with – aging lines and all. Melania has had so much work done that she looks like her skin is stretched to almost breaking on her face. I’m guessing her prenup requires her to stay looking young and beautiful with perky breasts or the marriage is over and the prenup is void.

5. Melania has had magazine covers and magazine spreads. It’s just that she was naked or almost naked for those pieces, sometimes in suggestive positions with other women. Michelle, on the other hand, has a law degree.

Maybe if Melania learned to smile through her pain… or maybe if she learned a secret smile to flash to us all every time her husband tries to grab her hand so we could watch… or maybe if she looked as though she were in anyway enjoying her life… maybe then she could catch up with Michelle. For now, though, she is simply too sad and unhappy to sell any magazines.