How the hell did this happen?

How the hell did we end up at war with Canada? OK, not a full blown, guns blazing war like we have in our schools but a war of words, anger and – on the part of many Americans – confusion.

I mean, we’re talking Canada here. Some of the nicest people in the world live there. I have always felt safe and secure knowing they were our northern border because Canadians were our friends and I knew they’d fight to keep us safe. Maybe they say the word “about” in a strange fashion but other than that, we are almost interchangeable. Or we were.

Now we’ve gone from nice neighbor to bonkers neighbor. You can see Canadians pulling in their welcome mats as fast as they can. They apparently don’t want to share our racism or bigotry or homophobia. Perhaps most importantly, they want as much distance as they can possibly make between them and the melted creamsickle goo that currently claims to lead America. I don’t blame them. I’d like to put a lot of space between me and him too. In fact, now that he’s in Asia, I see no need for him to return. And Melania certainly wouldn’t mind if he didn’t.  Staying there puts him that much closer to the love of his life… Putin.

Yep, we are now fighting with Canada and I think that’s about as low as we can get unless Orange Goo decides to declare war on California. If that happens, I’m volunteering for California’s army.