Way to conduct yourself as president

First – threaten a foreign power in a text in all caps, the professional and appropriate way to send a threat to a foreign power.

Second – the very next day, send out a conciliatory text to that same foreign power

Third – Don’t tell your own staff what you’re doing so that they are continuing a threatening stance while you are being conciliatory. You know, just to keep the world guessing about how truly insane you are

Fourth – congratulate yourself on once again managing to create another crisis to divert attention from the fact that you are a treasonous asshat who will do anything to hide just how incompetent you are

Fifth – and finally, after screaming about government giveaways and socialism, pay farmers for the crisis you created with your ignorant trade policy.

Another successful week in the presidency of the Melted Pile of Orange Goo.