Don’t they have a mirror

When I was growing up, my mother had a question that I heard a lot. It went like this. “Doesn’t he/she have a mirror in their house?” She was usually referring to someone in the news – or someone walking past our grocery store on a slow day. Either way, the meaning was clear. The way they were dressed was simply ugly or wild or stupid looking, i.e. tasteless. And now, here we have our very own militias embracing all three errors in one sweet look.

So like my mother, I must ask, do you people not have mirrors in your houses? And if you do, do you really think this is a good look? I only ask because I care. I mean, it’s sad enough that you embrace the ideology of every group that has ever lost in America, but to do it so badly dressed just makes it pathetic.

And I think you know that. Because otherwise, why do you keep covering your faces? I know you probably think that makes you look menacing in a mid-eastern terrorist sort of way but it doesn’t. It just makes you look like you know how stupid you look and you don’t want anyone from the office to be able to identify you. Because you know Karen would immediately make you a meme if they did.

So here’s my suggestion. If you must wear camouflage, get it from somewhere other than a second hand military shop. Go upscale. Create a demand and before you know it, designers will be rushing to create more 2020 kind of camouflage outfits for every occasion. You’ll never have to put your peni… oops, gun away again because your designer camouflage will go from from office to nighttime make believe seamlessly.

If you’re not into camouflage and simply want to update the whole militia look to something more hip, more modern, more 2020, then can those ugly greens and step into some pretty great outdoor gear at really great prices. Want to parade around with a gun and show the world just how tough you are? Join the military. I understand they provide the clothes and guns. What a gig, right? And given that Orange Peel is now renting our military out to the highest bidder, there will be no shortages of positions for you to fill.

My mother would not have approved of you on any level. But the outfits would have been what sent her over the top with your dress and behavior. Just saying.