No need to go vote. Thanks to the Supremes, we just have to check in with our multinational corporations and they’ll tell us who will be our elected officials. Thanks guys. I needed those fifteen extra minutes freed up to beat my head against the wall to ease the pain of watching American democracy die.
Spam
There’s been an uptick in spam mail. This seems to happen periodically. I open my e-mail thinking 21 people have contacted me only to find that 17 of them want to offer me A. money for which I only have to send them some first B. drugs cheaper than I can buy on the street C. penis pills. Really? This is what our great civilization has come to? What a disappointment.
Back to reality
Boy reality sucks after the plasticity of Vegas. But… given that I don’t have enough money left to buy myself a latte, I guess I’d better get back to churning out the words on my computer. God I wish I’d been smart enough to find a really rich man to provide for all my wants and needs. Instead, I have ten animals hoping I can still buy their kibble. I did NOT intend life to turn out this way. I was going to be young and beautiful and rich and famous… all before I was 30 so I could retire
No column this week
No column from the paper this week on the blog. I was too busy losing my shirt at the penny slots. Now heading back to Anchorage, poorer and no wiser. I’ll come back next year and do the exact same thing.
In Vegas
I’m in Vegas losing a year’s worth of savings and having a great time. How did Vegas ever survive financially before Janis, Kate and I started coming every year for a girls’ week where we promise to lose every cent we bring with us on the penny slots?
Bird News
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They’re back
Anyone trying to call me after 6 PM, please be advised that I will no longer be answering my phone. Leave a message. Because if I answer every time it rings, I end up with mind numbing robo calls from politicians who annoy me enough when I read about them, let alone when I hear their voice. Or I get asked to take a “poll” which rapidly disintegrates into a thinly veiled push poll trying to insinuate that the other candidate screws swans while torturing baby birds. So leave a message and I’ll get back to you next fall when
Bird TLC and Amazon
AmazonSmile – Amazon has a new donation program, called AmazonSmile. Everytime you shop with Amazon using this link http://smile.amazon.com/ch/92-0130037, Amazon will donate a portion of the sales to the organization you choose. Bird TLC is an AmazonSmile organization! This program will not expire, but there is currently a special offer that will expire Monday, March 31st!
Shop at AmazonSmile before the end of the day on Monday and Amazon will donate an extra $5 to Bird TLC. Thank you!
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Fair warning
I leave for Vegas tomorrow. Should I finally hit the million dollar penny slot jackpot – and in my head, there is always a million dollar penny slot jackpot – I will no longer be keeping this blog. I will be spending my days in front of a fire built by someone else, eating food cooked by someone else and stroking the firm hard abs of the best looking man I can find who will do it with an old lady for money. Ah dreams.
He’s holding me back!
If he didn’t have that stupid loyalty to the human who feeds us, I’d be in Florida by now… warm, cozy and NOT freezing my now non-existent balls off.
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