Author: admin

This whole Cheney thing was just too easy of a target.  Like shooting ducks in a tank at close range with a howitzer…which, come to think of it, is not unlike what Cheney was doing.  And I have to ask, how macho a guy do you have to be to drive up to tamed birds, scare them into jumping around and then shooting them?  You want to hunt, Mr. Cheney, come here to Alaska and go out into the country where the bears are as wild as the moose, wolves and caribou.  Trek out into it with your pack on

OK, I’ve mailed all the tax paperwork out and now don’t have to think about it again till my accountant calls to ask me to clarify some obscure financial moment in my life that I will probably barely remember. So my normally sunny disposition should soon reassert itself.  If nothing else, I know I will be able to watch the Daily Show tonight and see Jon Stewart’s take on Dick Cheney’s little shooting mishap this weekend. At my age, I really don’t need much more than that to amuse me.

In reviewing my finances preparatory to giving the government my last pound of flesh – though there is apparently plenty of fat still left – two thoughts occur to me.  One, money management is, in my world, a contradiction in terms.  Two, for what this website cost me, I should be getting constant orgasms on demand from it every time I log on. It’s not like there’s anything or anyone else around who is apt to.

I watch the Olympics from my easy chair, light turned low, newspaper and tea by my side, so relaxed and comfortable that I all but have drool dripping down the side of my chin. On screen, young, buff athletes – buffer than me in ways I can’t begin to even imagine…buffer than I was at my best by an exponential of about a million – and I think, “All in all, I’m pretty happy in my chair.”

I’m getting my taxes ready for my accountant today.  I will not be a pleasant person.  I will, in fact, be an angry bitch.  Until tonight when I can relax and watch Mal do his thing in Serenity.

Does God have nothing better to do than sit in heaven and wait for me to get happy with winter so She can then cause it to warm up just enough in Anchorage for there to be icy rain, sleet, wind and the kind of generally gross weather that makes me want to run screaming back to the North Slope?  Maybe things will look better after my coffee.  I’ll go strap some ice skates on my car tires and head to Cafe Loco.

I go see one of my many doctors today. So I’m not drinking caffeine, not eating anything with cholesterol and willing my blood sugar to remain normal.  Of couse, come tomorrow, damn the blood pressure and give me caffeine.  I guess I’m still just a little Catholic school girl who wants to sin in private but be good in public so Sister Mary gives me a glowing report.

I’m in the middle of a big project that seems to have no end.  And I just want to say, “AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”.  I apologize if I misspelled that word. I’m never sure how many Gs to put in.

We have an eagle at the Wild Bird Rehab Center where I volunteer on Tuesday mornings whose top beak was shot off. She’s a wonderful bird. We call her Beautiful…ok, I actually call her the Beakless Wonder but that’s just me.  Being Italian, I’m the cook on Tuesday for the birds.  I get to cut up old salmon and moose, defrost dead mice, quail and hamsters and – my favorite part – plump them up again with lactated ringer’s solution.  I also get to hand feed Beauty because without an upper beak, she can’t feed herself. 

There is no feeling

It warmed up in Anchorage today. Everything is icy and slushy. It’s raining, sleeting, hailing and windy.  So of course Mr. T and I had to go take our walk.  Which wouldn’t have been bad had not the moose blocked our way home when we were just an eighth of a mile from the end of our walk. Had to turn around and going all the way back in the direction we came. Ended up walking six miles in this weather. Mr. T is not a happy camper.  Neither am I.  And people wonder why I long for Barrow winters.