Have they been taken back up by the mother ship? Or are they hiding their heads in shame at the fraud and deceit they perpetrated on America? Or do I just follow the wrong news and that’s why they seem to have disappeared from sight? Then again, where is Condi Rice? Hmmm…never mind. I’d just as soon we didn’t find her either. Knowing the whereabouts of George Bush is all the pain I can stand today.
Why I will never be successful as a rich person
My friend hired a limo to take everyone to and from her 50th birthday party. Good for her. Keeps the roads safe and let’s people have a chance to drink and let their hair down without worrying about making it home ok. Problem is that the limo picked me up first and I had to direct the driver to everyone else’s houses for pick up. I felt so stupid sitting in the back of this stretch limo…a very bad Driving Miss Daisy kind of feeling. I felt compelled to make small talk. I felt compelled to make friends with the
Wrong again
First I bought an 8 track and cassettes caught on. Now I have a DVD player and I’m told something called Bluetooth is winning. Hell, I didn’t even know there was a competition happening. I thought blue tooth was something rappers wore who couldn’t afford diamond teeth. I don’t even know what a Bluetooth looks like. Oh god. The world is truly outstripping my ability to even pretend to keep up.
So I’m guessing this means that I should throw out my eight track player because for sure it’s not coming back. Right?
It must be spring in Alaska
My trees are starting to put out buds amidst the snow flakes coming down.
Sandra is very, very old today
My friend Sandra turns fifty today. She is very, very old. You now need to treat her gently and make sure to yell into her good ear when talking to her. Thank god she’s aging faster than me or her turning 50 would mean I was older than dirt.
Tibet
It was sometime in the early or mid nineties. My sister and I were in a Tibetan monastery outside of Lhasa. We were there only because the Chinese government realized it could not subsidize this region forever. Tibet needed to contribute to the national coffers. So China allowed some monasteries to reopen as a draw for tourists.
We sat in front of a shrine of Buddha. Tucked in every nook and crevice in the wall behind the Buddha were pictures of the Dalai Lama. A very old monk brought us each a cup of yak butter tea. Maybe it was
What is it with these spammers?
What is it with spammers and my website? Seriously, what is it???? What is attracting them? Or is it the story of my life…I’m just one of many convenient sites so they might as well try me when they try all the others. I mean, seriously, that pretty much defines my dating life back when I had one. And now they’re hitting on my site instead of me. Sigh. I guess that’s progress. Better my website than me.
Another reason I love Alaska
As I was leaving Providence Hospital after visiting a friend, I noticed a note taped to the exit doors. It read simply, “Watch out for moose”. Immediately outside the exit door was a very large mound of moose nuggets. And I thought again how hard it would be to live anywhere else in the world.
A new definition of drug filled evening
When I was young, a drug fueled evening of debauchery meant pot and lots of munchies. Now, when I really want a drug filled evening of debauchery, I take Advil PM and some tums. Ah old age……
When I was little
When I was little, my mother bought me a coconut cream filled white chocolate Easter egg for my Easter basket every year. It even had yellow food dye in the middle to resemble the yolk. I don’t remember who made them, could have been Russell Stover. I do know that if I was given one now, I’d fall face first into it, eat it till I went into a diabetic coma, and then die happy.
Such are the fantasies of an aging diabetic with much too much time on her hands.