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Jet for sale

The state of Alaska has a jet for sale. It’s actually a very nice little jet that never did anything to anybody to deserve the treatment it’s getting. But it made the mistake of being associated with possibly the most unpopular governor our state has ever had and now it’s paying the price. Won’t someone give it a good home, please?  It even has a toilet!

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I did not know

There is a new underarm deodorant out with Olay in it as a conditioner. I’m almost sixty years old and I never knew my underarms needed conditioning.  How have I survived for so long?

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Am I just a wimp or just too old

In Barrow, my cutoff point for a walk was 29 below – or 20 below if there was a windchill.  It was only 10 below in Anchorage the past two days with just a slight wind blowing yesterday and I was too cold to walk.  Am I just becoming an urban wimp or is age catching up with me?

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A new definition of failure

According to a Bush administration official, not capturing Osama Bin Laden is not a failure on their part. It’s a success that has not yet happened.  All you kids out there remember that the next time you bring an F home on your report card. It’s not a failure. It’s a success that hasn’t yet happened.

May god have mercy on the English language.

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Columns 2007

Health care benefits for same sex couples…what would Jesus do?

As the new legislature convenes in Juneau, at least some members are determined to make health benefits for same sex partners an issue whether the public wants it to be or not.  According to an article in the Anchorage Daily News recently, Representative Mike Kelly of Fairbanks is quoted as saying, “The people of Alaska are sound asleep on this and they better wake up.” Adding to the general fun being had up there where the cold seems to be freezing brains at an astonishing rate even for legislative gray matter, House Majority Leader John Coghill of North Pole added

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A message to god

OK, I get it. I live in Alaska and it snows a lot here. Now could we please have a little break so I can restock my emergency grocery supplies?

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If there is a god….

Pat Robertson has announced that god has told him there will be a terrorist attack in America this year.  If there really is a god, that attack will happen in Robertson’s pants and we will be rid of him and his gospel full of hate forever.

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It’s a surge

For those of you idiots out there who think Bush is escalating our troop levels in an attempt to do god know’s what in Iraq, please be assured this is not an escalation. It’s a surge.  LIke those power surges that destroy your hard drive.  Or those tide surges that destroy shorelines during storms. This surge will, in all likelihood, destroy whatever shred of credibility we have left in the world.  You’ve got to love the surge.

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The good news about the snow

I have two dogs. They poop a lot. My yard is full of their poop. But the snow that keeps falling hides it faster than I can get out to scoop it.  OK, I don’t exactly rush out to scoop it up but still.  The only down side to this is that while I am enjoying no poop scooping in the winter, my yard this spring after everything melts should resemble Calcutta in July.

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