Elise Sereni Patkotak

Uniforms!  I wore them through grade school and high school and didn’t realize at the time that it was a period of Nirvana in my life that would never be reproduced once I had to make clothing choices.  If we all had to wear uniforms, I wouldn’t have to worry if there was ever a time purple and orange went together and whether my sister would get little pains in her shoulders if I tried to pair them into an attractive ensemble.  OK, I lied about the attractive part. I’d wear it if I thought it covered me enough to

Another change – the column will appear as usual tomorrow. The change to Friday has been reversed and it’s now on for its regular day. Sorry for the confusion.  But I do now know how to find something on my website that hasn’t been published yet and edit it. So ultimately it’s been a fruitful experience (says Pollyanna).

For all my regular readers, all nine of you, my column won’t appear in the paper on Wednesday. This week only it’s been moved to Friday. So, those of you reading it weekly on this site, look for it to pop up here sometime on Friday afternoon.

As the pundits wax eloquent about our current president winning hands down as the worse president ever, I wonder how anyone could have doubted this would be the inevitable result of a president who most closely resembles Alfred E. Newman in both looks and mentality.

As of yesterday, all the columns I’ve written going back to 2000 – at least, all I could find – are now archived on the site. So have fun reading back through what I’ve said about you in the past and see if it gives you some hint about what I might say in the future.  To my family, I can only say….well, anything to sell a column.  You understand, right?

As for the material before 2000, first I’d have to find the damn floppy disks, then I’d have to find someplace that could read them and convert them to

I think that pretty much sums up my attitude towards clothes and shopping. I am writing this note even as I should be putting a bra on in preparation for meeting Aubie at Value Village where she will attempt to outfit me with something to wear to the many graduations and weddings coming up in my near future.  Aubie is patient and gentle about this and yet I still want to run sobbing from the store. What’s wrong with clean jeans and a tasteful T-shirt? Why does clothing have to be so complicated?  and uncomfortable?  and generally icky?

Seems my column on the young man in Anchorage who killed a father of three with his car while being chased by police has really hit a sore spot. I’ve been fielding calls and e-mails since it appeared. People wonder what to do and I have to admit that after over 20 years in the field, I haven’t a clue. My solutions are mostly unconstitutional and involve forced sterilization and no second chances on getting kids back.  I think the solutions would work but would wreak more havoc with our constitutional guarantees than the current administration has managed to do

As much as I love Barrow, I must admit that my body doesn’t so much.  Just being in the cold dry air sucks every bit of moisture from my body so quickly you can hear the whooshing sound if you are anywhere near me. My hands feel like dried out old leather. I put about half a jar of conditioner on my hair and it barely looks alive.  I’ve shrunk half a size from moisture loss alone.  Well, hey, now there’s a positive spin on it.  Diet by dehydration.  I could make millions if I could just build a dehydrator

As always, leaving Barrow is hard. It was 50 below with windchill and I felt SOOOO at home in that.  The ocean ice was brilliantly white, the tundra seamlessly melted into it, the air was frigid, the people were warm…really, what’s not to like.  No wonder I made it my home for almost 30 years.  And my little Greta has grown up into such a wonderful young lady.  Instead of me driving her around, she drove me around. I borrowed her car and she cooked dinner.  WOW.  LIfe really does have some great and unexpected rewards.