Elise Sereni Patkotak

In an ideal world, I’d be an effortless size four while eating my weight in carbs daily.  My birds would clean their own messes and my dog would never grow old.  People would not use the name of a god they claim is loving and merciful as an excuse to torture and kill everyone who disagrees with them.  And kids would all be raised by Ozzie and Harriet in a neat little suburb where their worse problem would be the occasional pimple.

But we don’t live in that ideal world.  I am nowhere near a size four and my birds

Growing up, two very dear women I knew and loved died of cancer.  One died of breast cancer and one died of uterine cancer.  Both died quickly, as though death were easier than continuing to live.

One of these women was married to a wonderful man who happened to be gay at a time when men from the coal mining regions of Pennsylvania simply weren’t. For over thirty years they kept this secret.  She produced three children and then moved from her husband’s bed to her daughter’s. By the time she showed her misshapen breasts to someone, it was way

It was one of those mornings; not the good kind – the kind that make you wonder if your mother wasn’t right all along about the wisdom of moving to Alaska. Or did she use the word “sanity”?

It was 6:30 AM and we’d had quite a blizzard overnight. Mr. T chose this of all mornings to decide he had to go out REAL BAD.  So I stumbled to his very own little half door in my entryway. This led to a porch where he could do whatever he wanted all winter/ In the summer, I just washed it away.

It’s become one of those trite truisms that all we ever needed to know we learned in kindergarten.  I don’t quite agree with that since I’ve never actually seen a kindergarten kid filling out a tax form.  But I do believe that we should have learned one of our most important lessons there, and that is to play and work well with others.

In that spirit, and to help the dental society avoid anymore of those large, costly ads they are running about the proposed dental health aide program, let me make a suggestion that perhaps will help us get

It’s that time of the year when I get to list out my top peeves for the past twelve months. I do this in the hope that those of you responsible for some of them will make a real effort this year to clean up your act.

Being an Anchoragian, I must, of course, start my list with a rant against many of our lovely local drivers.  If I have one dream left in life, it is to die with my feet on, in my own bed, surrounded by my loving pets and family.  I sometimes feel as though there

As the debate over Christmas in stores continues, I have what I think is a great suggestion. Why don’t we put Christmas back in church and ask the stores to butt out altogether?  This way, there may be the semblance of a hope that our children will grow up understanding the true meaning of Christmas. And no matter what the commercials tell you, it isn’t to beat your siblings out by getting the most presents under the tree.

Christmas celebrates the birth of Christ. I was always taught that at a birthday party it was the honoree who got the

In the best of all possible worlds I probably wouldn’t have to actually say this. But I feel compelled to because, alas, no one has realized the wisdom of making me dictator for life of the world and so it is not a perfect world.  Anyhow, here’s what I want to make sure everyone is very aware of this holiday season.  Pets are not fashion accessories and most animals, given a choice, would not travel inside a woman’s handbag while she shopped, ate or otherwise occupied what is obviously way too much extra time on her hands.

I still find

The December 1, 2005 issue of this paper carried a letter to the editor from a gentleman who wanted to know why none of the victims rescued from neglect and abuse through the Office of Children’s Services have come forward to defend OCS and praise the actions that were taken in their name.  I read the letter and sighed. 

In all my life, I never wanted to end up as the defender of OCS.  On a good day, in my capacity as a GAL, I can be as angry and frustrated with the services and staff as any other person