Author: admin

I woke up this morning and went to put the dogs out.  As I closed the sliding glass porch door, four Jays landed on the railing and stared at me with a look between exasperation and bemusement. Since I’d barely had time to hit the john before letting the dogs out, I ignored them and went to do my morning ablution. I came back to find four Jays lined up at the bottom of the glass door hitting it with their beaks. It was like my own little anvil chorus. I guess I didn’t get their morning peanuts out in

The other night my friend Greta came by with her six month old son Joe. Joe’s been sick and had been fussy and cranky.  Until I held him. Every time I took him in my arms, he fell asleep. Yep, that about defines my impact on the opposite sex. I put them right to sleep. 

1. The words “haute couture”.

2. I often can’t figure out how one would put the clothing item on.

3. When I can get the same effect by mis-buttoning my sweater and tucking only half of my shirt in, I feel the end of the world is near.

4. The outfit that comes with an umbrella for a hat would only cause my family to pull out the commitment papers again. Not one of them would look at me and think, “My, isn’t she fashionable!”

5. I come from Alaska. When I wear a piece of fur it is to

If Sarah is so busy outside writing her book and making speeches in Asia, who is raising her kids? You know, the ones who need to be in school in Wasilla? The young ones? Todd is with her. So who’s with them? 

… because if my animals are any example, the kids would be spoiled rotten. I’ve noticed that if I don’t get up to put peanuts out on the deck for the Stellar Jay’s when they come by, they’ll sit on the deck chair waiting for me. And if I don’t arrive by the time they think I should, they’ll come down to the fence outside my office window and sit there staring at me as I work at the computer until I stop, go upstairs, put the peanuts out, wait for them to get them all (what with bears, I

If you wear a shirt big enough, and your breasts are small enough, you can address a crowd and they will never notice you are not wearing a bra.

… tell Chris Brown to just shut the hell up. 

I’ll be back out at the state fair this afternoon emceeing Bird TLC’s presentation of corvids (ravens, magpies, crows) and owls.  If you haven’t had your annual quota of fried candy and corn on the cob, come on out and munch while we show you these marvelous critters. All are non-releasable birds from our education program and all LOVE to show off for a crowd.

It’s 2 PM for the owls and 5 PM for the corvids.

I went miniature golfing this weekend, the first time since my early youth on the Boardwalk in Atlantic City. And I made not one, not two, but three holes in one. Take that, Tiger Woods. Yeah, big brother. That’s right. I’m dissing Tiger Woods because if this is what I can do with no practice in almost 50 years, imagine what I could do with just a little practice time. Oh yeah. I’m good.

Bird TLC will be at the state fair today showing some of our gorgeous raptors. Phoenix, the Hollywood Osprey… well, that’s at least what he seems to think of himself when an audience is finally found to offer him the adoration he feels is his due… will be there along with lots of other Alaska raptors. We start our program at 2 PM. I’m emceeing. Come by.