Author: Elise Patkotak

There was a time in my life when I wanted to receive flowers. A big bouquet of flowers. With a lovely note attached telling me I was someone very special. I wanted them to be from some tall, dark, handsome man who couldn’t live without me.

That never happened.

Now, I get a Costco chicken from one of the nicest men I know. Whenever he’s in town, he goes to Costco and, along with his groceries, he picks me up a chicken.

He isn’t tall, dark, and handsome. He’s not tall or dark. But he looks pretty handsome to me Continue reading →

Am I the only person who thinks that somewhere in Anchorage, former mayor Dave Bronson is sitting home wondering how this happened. His last year in office, when he was running for re-election, Anchorage got enough snow to end water shortages the world over. And because of the… let’s call it, the lackluster response to that snowmageddon… he did not have a winning path to a second term.

Yes, yes. I know. There were many other issues that kept him from winning but let’s be real, those snow berms that made pulling out of side streets such an exciting challenge Continue reading →

So, in a moment of weakness, I thought I should have a keyless door entry for my front door installed. And then, of course, once you’ve done that, you inevitably want that doorbell camera, so you won’t have to go downstairs to find out who’s there.  Or, let’s be real, you want to see who’s there so you know if you want to open the door for them. No guarantee it will be a friend you like.

Yep. Seemed like the best Christmas presents I could give myself once the holiday season had ended. Dear lord was I ever wrong. Continue reading →

my hemorrhoid pillow… pillow!

Continue reading →

My life is now complete. Continue reading →

we can invent hold music that doesn’t make you want to slit your wrists withing minutes of hearing it. Continue reading →

I know that it’s Christmas Eve. Doesn’t matter to me. Still feels like my world is crumbling around me. Three deaths of three people who were an important part of my life as various times in less than three weeks. It’s hard to just shake that off. Two of them carried some of the earliest memories of my childhood. The other carried the memories of being adults together.

Getting older means loss way too often. But when that loss hits you one right after the other, well, it really lays you back on your heels. So here’s hoping the rule Continue reading →

Seems like the ADN is no longer interested in my columns. So anything I write will be seen here and on Facebook. And now I won’t have to clean up my language.

And now I can’t get this to post. Sigh. Life was easier when we just used pen and paper.

I am not a holiday person. Not Christmas. Not New Year’s. Not my birthday. Not the Fourth of July. You get the picture. But here’s the thing. A lot of people don’t.

This is probably because my experience has been that most people do like holidays and like celebrating them. They cannot imagine not wanting to. But I don’t. And I’m not alone. I’m just brave enough to say it out loud for the world to hear. Most of us hide in the closet afraid to speak our true feelings because we will be mocked, at a minimum, and shunned Continue reading →

I arrived in Alaska after crying all the way up in the plane while my parrot cursed loudly at all that she had to endure with me. Here’s two pics. The first is me before I got to Alaska. The second is me weeks after arriving in Barrow. Those Barrow ladies really know how to sew.