Elise Sereni Patkotak

Yesterday was my birthday. I am now officially at a point where I can sincerely regret not taking better care of myself. I never really thought I’d ever get this old. I was never going to trust anyone over 30. And I was certainly never going to be over 40. Damn!

I know they love me and want to be close to me. They are wonderful dogs. But I am having serious claustrophobia issues in bed at night. They get so close on either side that I risk crushing them if I turn over. Getting up to pee in the middle of the night means waking completely up so I can carefully extricate myself and not accidentally toss one of them to the floor trying to get out of bed. I bought a queen size bed thinking it would solve the problem but all it’s done is given me acres of

Reality TV with people who should not be on public view ever

Presidential candidates who embody the worse of the lowest form of Americans

Snow in New York City but not Anchorage

The price of oil below $30 a barrel

What the hell is happening to us?

I feel we should start a book called Where’s Jeb? Like Where’s Waldo except all the other figures in the picture would be other Republicans running for president.

Hey, someone needs to find Jeb. He’s been missing in action for quite awhile now and I’m worried that Cruz has put him into a cellar somewhere and is planning to make a coat from his skin.

A message to the other 49 states… Sarah is all yours. Thanks for taking her off our hands.

I was in bed when last night’s earthquake hit. Being a true Alaskan, I spent the first part of it lying in bed and expecting it to be over quickly. Then the house started to roll and I thought, hmmm…. maybe this isn’t just a regular little quake. Then Carm woke up and that meant it had to be bad. He’s getting older and it takes a lot to wake him up at night – or in the morning for that matter.

So I jumped out of bed and put clothes on because, due to my Catholic upbringing, I know