Elise Sereni Patkotak

I don’t know how you get rid of the crap in your house.  Maybe you don’t.  Maybe when you die you will be found surrounded by remote controls for TVs you haven’t owned in thirty years and paper bags that were too pretty to throw out because you knew that someday they would be the perfect wrap for some as yet unpurchased gift…that would probably come with its own pretty bag anyway…unless you got it at a rummage sale in which case don’t give it to me.  Anyhow, this all comes to mind because I have recently done the three

There is that knee jerk part of me that not only wanted to see Zaccarias Moussaoui put to death, but wanted it to happen in a particularly painful way. The rational and civilized part of me, of course, is horrified by that that thought.

The biggest part of me, however, is glad he got a life sentence instead.  Why? Because it galls me to think that by imposing the death sentence we would have given him exactly what he wanted – martyrdom. 

It is clear from following the stories about this man that he is an incompetent bumbler who, if

My new TV is very big.  There really isn’t that much more you can say about a new TV, is there?  Especially when you don’t understand the 4000 functions it apparently has.  I think this one can actually make me pregnant. But since I only want to watch Serenity on a big screen, I think I’ll forgo that function.

It snowed here last night.  And it continued snowing through the early morning.  It’s melting now but for a brief period I was pretty sure I had slept through the entire summer.  I expected this weather when I lived in the Arctic but in Anchorage? Then I thought, we finally have a spring here that I can relate to.  Now if it would just snow on the Fourth of July, I’d really feel like I was home again.

There was a time when a mother’s sighs and sad glances would have guilted a kid into actually walking down the aisle for her college graduation.  Alas, those days seem passed now.  And so instead, we take a road trip and cling tightly to the folded announcement that is the only proof we will get until the diploma arrives that she actually achieved her goal.

Congratulations, Chris.  Deb…at least you tried the guilt thing.  It’s a tradition worth the attempt to keep alive.

There should be a law that states that if you are over 18, you cannot wear a halter top, public bone hugging pants and platform heels while walking down a public thoroughfare.  Haven’t we made this world ugly enough already?

Steven Colbert’s performance at the White House Correspondent’s dinner should have put every reporter in that room to shame. He spoke the truth and dared to treat the president as a person and not some king we all have to be scared of because he will take our heads off if we mock him. Our forefathers dared to defy a real king when the possibility of losing their heads was real.  Steven was following their courageous example of telling the emperor when he has no clothes on.  Now that’s an American!

For normal people, all of Las Vegas often seems slightly off kilter. Luckily, no one has ever accused Alaskans of being normal. And so we head to Las Vegas in droves looking for heat and sun, none of which is found in the casinos where we spend our hard earned Permanent Fund Dividends trying to make the killing that will allow us to retire in Mexico.

Keith Richards fell out of a palm tree.  I don’t think anything can be added to that statement to make it any weirder or more complete.