I want to be adopted by Ricky Gervais

I’d mostly like to marry him but given the age difference, I’m guessing he would find that too icky for words. Besides, much more than wanting to sleep with him, I want to live with him. I want to wake up every day to that insanity which puts the rest of the world in such amazing perspective.

Please adopt me, Ricky. You won’t need to give me any money or anything. Promise. Just give me a chance to prove I can be a good mum to you.

Seriously, he is the funniest man working today. And if you don’t believe that, watch The Invention of Lying. Sheer genius.