And so we now come to that time of each year when I announce the 2010 nominees for my very own Hall of Infamy. This year has seen an absolute embarrassment of riches when it comes to potential inductees. Need I say more than “Sarah Palin’s Alaska”? Or Tony Hayward?
So let’s get right to those who have been so icky, yucky, sleazy and otherwise distasteful as to immediately leap into retirement in the permanent wing of the hall. This is a very prestigious honor. Currently only Dick Cheney, Tom Cruise and Katy Holmes and that thing on Donald Trump’s head have earned the honor. But this year provided a wealth of people who deserve to skip over all preliminaries and go straight into Dick’s waiting arms.
So congratulations to Lindsay Lohan’s parents for going directly to the permanent wing of the Hall of Infamy as possibly the worse parents in the history of the world. Lindsay Lohan is to be congratulated for turning out as good as she did given the genes she carries and the type of “parenting” she endured. If anything, we should all be shocked that she never turned a gun on these pathetic excuses for a mother and father.
And congratulations to our gal, Temporary Sal. I’m putting her in the permanent wing just so I won’t have to write about her again since her name has come up on the list every year since she became the misbegotten vice presidential candidate to a man who sold his morals and ethics to hold on to power in the most pathetic way possible.
Which bring us to the last inductee into the permanent wing – John McCain. This is a most painful induction and one I never wanted to make. There was a time when he stood for the kind of politician that made America great by speaking up to the powers that be and saying he would do what was right and let the chips fall where they may. And then he was suddenly faced with the reality of losing his Senate seat and he became just another scummy politicians willing to sell out everything he once stood for in order to stay in power.
Now on to the nominees for induction into the general section of the Hall.
First and foremost have to be those two mouthpieces for intolerance, ugliness and the dangers of giving public air space to people who shouldn’t be allowed in public without an escort – Pat Robertson and Rush Limbaugh. Pat is on the list for stating that the earthquake in Haiti was God punishing Haitians for the pact they made with the devil to overthrow French rule. And Rush is there… well, there are so many possible reasons but I picked his statement that Obama would use Haiti to polish his credentials in America with light and dark skinned black people. The only phrase that comes to mind when I hear these idiots speak is O!M! G!
Another nominee is Christine “I am not a witch” O’Donnell, who tried to convince us that going on a date in college which ends by waking up on a sacrificial witch’s altar was just one of those goofy college things that happens to us all. As someone infamous for bad dates, I must say my worse date never came close to that level of awfulness. And I once dated someone who told me I’d have to pay for my own drinks because he only asked me out for dinner.
All reality TV that involves people throwing up on camera, groping each other and using the F word as a noun, adjective, verb and adverb – in fact, often making the entire sentence up out of that one word – also get a nomination nod. I am from the Jersey Shore and I can assure you that my mother would have fled in horror with her family in tow if those people truly represented shore folk.
Finally (drum roll please), the nominees who win this year’s honor of being elevated to the Hall of Infamy – there to reign supreme for the next 12 months – Charlie Sheen, Mel Gibson and Brett Favre. And if I have to explain why, you clearly haven’t been reading your People magazine as closely as you should.
Happy 2011!