Ah Rudy…

In so many ways, Rudy Giuliani is a typical New Yorker. Except for the half bad teeth and the insanity.

Let’s start with the teeth. Seriously, did he actually pay someone for that? Did he look in the mirror when they were done and NOT think he should sue? He’s got chicklets on the top and what appear to be rotten stumps on the bottom.

Now I understand if he didn’t have any money to fix his teeth. As someone with thousands of dollars invested in her teeth, I’m here to tell you that insurance payments don’t even pretend to keep up with the cost of dentistry. But unless he went broke halfway through the plan of treatment, there is no excuse.

Get your damn teeth fixed if we’re going to have to watch your mouth flap with lies, idiotic statements, contradictions and hate.

The part of Giuliani that is so New Yorker is his general attitude that everyone else may exist, but not on the plane on which he exists. Most New Yorkers have this attitude to some extent. I did when I lived in Brooklyn. To paraphrase that famous song, “If I can survive here, I can survive anywhere…”  Giuliani survived New York. To give him what little credit he might have left, he led the city at a horrible time when buildings were crashing down around him. He was in his element because that’s how New Yorkers roll.

But give him the relative peace and quiet of Orange Goo’s brain and brain trust and he finds the need to create the excitement and sense of survival that he brings with him from the Big Apple. While many of us might think that Orange Goo’s daily insane rants would fill the void, they don’t. It’s a New York thing. Goo’s tweets are SOP for a real New Yorker. Things don’t really get exciting until you are handed the indictment papers.

So Rudy has to go around creating chaos and excitement to keep him from being too homesick. If part of that whole act means contradicting Orange Goo and putting him in even further legal jeopardy, well tough shit. That’s the price of hiring a whack job with a New York background. It’s fun while it lasts and it usually ends badly.