Elise Sereni Patkotak

OK, thanks to an alert reader, I was directed to a website with comments about our recent re-election of Uncle Felon. The best comment I’ve seen in a long time was there. The writer simply said that the reason we aren’t exporting natural gas is because we’re too busy inhaling it. Ah drugs. They do make Ted look a tad less sleazy.

To all my friends, relatives and acquaintances outside of this wonderful state, please stop e-mailing me about Ted Stevens. Do you not yet get that we here in Alaska don’t care how you all do it in the lower ‘48? He may be a felon but he’s our felon and he comes with barrels of federal pork attached. So get over it, New Jersey. We faced you down in the final round of the title fight and we landed a knock out blow. You are no longer the number one state for corrupt politics. Get used to it.

VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!VOTE!

Now get out of your chair, stop making all kinds of excuses and go show yourself to be real Americans and vote.  And please be aware that anyone who writes to me with a complaint about the results had damn well better be able to prove they voted or they have no right to complain.

I grew up in an Italian family in an Italian neighborhood with nothing but Italians surrounding me. So you’d think I’d have developed some protection against the charms of a pair of deep Italian eyes and a knowing smile.  You’d think.  And then George Clooney comes along and I want to fall so deeply into those eyes that I never find the other side…even though in reality, the thought of me and George Cloony is too sick even for my warped imagination.

And now back to politics.

This week’s newspaper column will appear in the paper on Thursday instead of Wednesday in order to give me a day to react to the results of Tuesday’s election. So hang in there. I will be offering either my joy or despair on Thursday.

If the lines for early voting are any indication, Tuesday should be insane. Bring a long book and be prepared to wait. This is usually not a problem in America today. I vote in every election on the theory that then I have a say in what happens and all the lazy people who don’t show up lose their say in our future. Now it seems like a lot of people are planning to show up who never did before. And while I’m happy that Americans are getting back into the fundamental idea of democracy and taking their vote seriously,

It occurs to me that we go through a stage in our lives where it seems as though every friend we have comes with a baby attached at the hip. They can’t come visit without bringing a bag bigger than most Pilgrims packed to populate the new world. It seems as though you will never have a quiet moment with them again where they are not talking babies, running after babies, changing babies or apologizing for the never ending wail of a baby.

And then one day all goes quiet. The babies talk now. Some even become interesting human beings

It seems appropriate on Halloween to discuss the rather heated response I’ve gotten to my Twinkie comment. Apparently there are a WHOLE lot of people out there passionate about their Twinkies. Many sent me e-mails, I assume because they didn’t want their names publicly connected to the faux cake product. Some have asked if I ever tried them fried. Well, here’s my Halloween confession. My friend Kate and I went to the Saturday market here in Anchorage a few years ago and brought son number 1 with us because he eats anything. He bought a fried Twinkie and a fried