Elise Sereni Patkotak

The pundits are saying that McCain is falling in the polls but they are still so close that any one little thing could make the difference.  One small disaster could lose it for him. One misstep. One little moment that causes the public to mistrust his judgement.  Hmmm…..vice-presidential debate, anyone?

Instead of giving the money to those assholes on Wall Street, give the $750 billion to every homeowner whose house is about to be foreclosed upon and every sick American with no means of paying for health care. This will circulate the money back into the system, forestall foreclosures, make those bad mortgages good and save the financial universe…except of course for the greedy bastards who got us into this mess and then skipped off with our millions. We should find them and shake them upside down until all the money falls out. Then we take that money and everyone

McCain picked Palin because she’s young enough to know what multi-tasking means and can whisper definitions of new trends like IMs, cell phones, texting, etc. into his ear when he’s stumped and then he won’t look so old and sad. And let’s not forget the vast foreign policy experience she brings to the ticket from her years of watching jets fly over her home in Wasilla. Gee, based on that theory, I’m friggin’ Henry Kissinger.

I hate having to defend Todd Palin, who on the surface does not look like someone I would ever be close friends with, but this crap about his influence over his wife is just too disingenuous to be believed.  Spouses have ALWAYS had great influence in any administration of government going back in history to Helen of Troy.  Hillary influenced Bill. Mamie influenced Ike.  God knows Barbara influenced every Bush born after 1900.  And Nancy Murkowski was and is Frank’s confidante. That’s the way marriages usually work, if they work at all. The fact that this time the woman is

As I look for ways to secure my financial future while our markets melt down and politicians dither on bailing out executives with billion dollar assets, I find myself wondering if I’m finally too old to make money on the streets…either begging or hooking. I’m beyond having too much pride for either. 

So McCain had to suspend his campaign to run back to DC and save us from financial disaster. Hmmm…wonder where he’s been the past thirty years while deregulation and greed replaced motherhood and apple pie as the symbols of America. And why can’t he debate Obama?  Is he too old to multi task? How about letting his VP choice continue to run the campaign for him? Oh wait. That’s right. He doesn’t trust his campaign in her hands. He trusts our country in her hands but not his campaign. Geez!

Each time I watch McCain explain how he represents change in Washington, I get the mental image of a pretzel in my mind.  Is he really so old and senile that he doesn’t remember that he represents the party in charge?

I see a paper cap and the words, “Would you like fries with that?” in my future.  Or maybe no paper cap and the words, “Welcome to WalMart. Would you like a cart?” Yeah. That’s a better way to go. No greasy smell to ruin by Value Village used clothes.

So this is the American dream writ large.  My little savings is threatened while the White House bails out people who make more in a year than I’ve made in a lifetime. Who would have ever thought…..?