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It occurs to me

It occurs to me that I should mention the problem that took the site down for a few days so that you are all assured it probably won’t happen again. I would explain it if I understood it fully. It had something to do with track backs and spammers trying to get a free viewing on my website. Lucky for me I have the best person in the whole world taking care of my website. She has put a stop to those evil people trying to misuse my track back…whatever the hell that actually is.  Mostly, you should all know

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Will I go directly to hell

Will the pope consign me to hell if I wish everyone a Happy St. Patrick’s day during holy week? What if I do it with great sadness?  Great reverence?  Not the hint of joy? Only yellow, not green, beer?

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It must be spring

Because every morning when I get the birds out of their sleep room, Captain (my Amazon parrot) and CB (a bare eyed cockatoo who is the love of his life) have sex down on their main perch for all to see.  Since they are different species, this will amount to nothing more than sterile eggs laid by CB. But oh the look of bliss on their faces as they have their morning delight.  It’s nice to know that someone or something in this house is having sex, I guess.

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Columns 2008

It’s simply not fair

Excuse me, but I just have to say this. Darn that Sarah Palin!  And believe me, when that phrase first popped into my head, darn was not necessarily the euphemism that came with it.  I know life is not necessarily fair, but this is ridiculous.  I look more pregnant when I’m constipated than Palin looks two months before delivery.  Where is the fairness in that? I have friends who swear they looked more pregnant seven minutes after conception than she does now.

This woman was doing shoots for Vogue magazine when she was at least four or five months pregnant,

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It’s always the same picture

The politician’s faithful wife by his side, her face pulled into an unreadable expression, as he admits to indiscretions, to cheating on their marriage. As he publicly humiliates her yet again, there she stands, by his side in the same picture we have of so many wives.  Now it’s Mrs.Spitzer’s turn. And I wonder why one of these wives doesn’t just look their husband in the eye and say, “Screw you. Go out there and face the music yourself. It’s your music. Not mine.”

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For all you who are waiting

For all you who are awaiting my reaction to the fact that our governor is seven months pregnant and had to tell us because she still wasn’t showing, be patient. This week’s column should answer all your questions. Meanwhile, all you ladies should feel free to eat ALL the leftover Valentine candy in your house and any Christmas candies you find between the couch pillows. It is simply the healthiest first response to this announcement.

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OPEC…you gotta love them!

Am I the only one who finds it funny that even OPEC won’t listen to George Bush? In case you missed it, they refused to up their output despite his request based on the theory that he screwed up the American economy and there was no reason for them to rescue him. Yep, you know your reputation in America really sucks when even OPEC is dissing you and no one defends you from them.

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Ok, I admit it

When it comes to George Clooney I am absolutely a limp noodle. It must be the Italian in him. God I hate being part of the crowd.

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