Elise Sereni Patkotak

I just got my New York Magazine with the nude photo shoot with Lindsay Lohan recreating Marilyn Monroe’s nude shoot. May I just say that Lindsay should go home and give it up. Her size 0, little boy, straight body with no boobs or curves is NOTHING compared to Marilyn’s voluptuous size 12 to 14 body that came complete with boobs that mattered and curves that wouldn’t quit. Now that was sexy. This androgynous stick trying to pretend to Marilyn’s breathtaking sensuality is just pathetic.

If power makes a man sexually attractive, how to explain George Bush who has all the sex appeal of an aging Alfred E Newman? 

I think John McCain is probably an ok guy.  And so is Dennis Kucinich…assuming you give him the benefit of the doubt that he’s really from earth. But does anyone believe for a moment that either of those men would be sporting those particular women on their arms if they weren’t public figures? I guess power does make a man more attractive. On the other hand, it must be something that doesn’t translate well on TV because for the life of me, it makes no sense otherwise. Wait…maybe Kucinich’s wife is from the same planet as he is and she

Am I the only one who wonders if Keanu Reeves goes into a pod in between movies to be re-energized?

Well, my sister managed to barf her way across the world as we traveled. But even this she does in style. This time she waited until she was in the Hotel Del in Coronado. If you’re going to be sick, be sick first class I say.

So I go to freecredit.com to check on my credit score based on their eight million commercials saying my life will suck if I don’t know it.  And lo and behold, the offer is only good in the contiguous United States. Hawaii and Alaska need not apply. And I have to ask how this makes any sense? I mean, this is the Internet for god’s sake. It’s not like the company is going to be charged extra for sending something to Alaska and Hawaii. So exactly what is the problem with this picture? Or are the people running the site

According to Don Young, he will answer questions about his legal battles and finances only from his constituents. To be one of his constituents, you apparently had to have voted for him. I didn’t vote for him. Does this mean I have no representative in the House of Congress?  Does this make me a free agent who can pick a representative from anywhere to be mine?  Does this make Don Young unfit to hold public office?

I wake up with a dog on either side of me. No, they don’t sleep there all night. They get up on the bed and in position when they think it’s about time to rise and shine. If I want to sleep in even the slightest, I have to remain absolutely still and give no evidence whatsoever that I am awake. So there I lay, arms going numb, bladder full, wondering if I can possibly fall back to sleep in that level of discomfort or whether I should just get up and start the day. And somehow they know. They