Elise Sereni Patkotak

I think it’s time we demand that anyone who plans to be a parent get licensed to prove they are minimally older mentally and emotionally than the children they plan to have.  It’s an idea whose time has come.

If HIllary Clinton wins the presidency, I’m not at all concerned that Bill will actually be running things instead of her.  I think she’ll run her own presidency. Here’s what I am worried about…that our news media will be so dicombobulated by a female president that they will spend more time commenting on what she wore to a summit meeting and who’s advising her on makeup than on what she said.  Am I being pessimistic? Well, I live in Alaska where our press can’t seem to get over the fact that our governor, probably one of the most competent women

I have never watched American Idol for no other reason than that I figure if I’m going to waste my time watching TV, the people on it should at least have a modicum of proven talent which they are using in some coherent fashion to amuse me.  But as I read more and more about it, I find myself wondering if this is not just our refined version of the Roman coliseum with the blood thirsty crowd screaming for death to the loser.  Humanity really hasn’t come all that far, has it? The only real difference is that we sit

My cousin has sent me an article from the NY Times stating that it is now ok to have curly hair and there are now products that help those of use who suffer from curly frizz so that our curls will look good when styled.  Apparently we no long need to sleep on coke cans or iron our hair.  Why couldn’t this fashion decision have come when I still had enough hair to matter?  With all I lost during menopause, I barely have enough to cover my head.

Tom Cruise seems to grow and shrink at least three inches when standing next to his wife in various photos. Sometimes he’s taller. Sometimes he’s shorter. And sometimes he’s the same height.  Can Scientology teach you how to control your height? If so, I may join.  If I could just stretch out about four more inches, I’d be the perfect weight.

What with all these headlines about the California citrus crop being destroyed by the freezing cold, one can only ask why no one is reporting on the cold’s affect on California’s most lucrative and largest crop. How’s the pot?  Will there be a shortage?  Will the cold affect the quality? Will those poor growers have to freeze their little tootsies off harvesting the crop in the cold? These are the important questions we should be asking.

Let’s see….we let the communists take East Berlin and we took the west.  We let the communists take North Korea and we took the south. We let the communists take North Vietnam and we took the south.  Is there a pattern here that might help us get out of Iraq?  I’m hearing East Iraq and West Iraq…or North Iraq and South Iraq. We divide the country, get the hell out and let the civil war follow its natural course. Why is that so hard for all those big brains in DC to figure out?

Forget Martin Luther King.  Today is the Golden Globes. Can you feel the excitement? I’m always happiest when America gets its priorities right.