Elise Sereni Patkotak

On the off chance my neighbors don’t already pull their kids inside when the weird lady with the old dog goes walking by, I have now purchased a carry case for my African Grey parrot, Adbul, to take walks with me.  It’s like a birdie front pack.  So far, he’s less than enthused judged by the amount of time he spends on the walk trying to chew his way out.

There is an article in the paper today that says that more kids are cutting on themselves to inflict pain and thus relieve stress.  Boy, makes my old habit of downing a bag of jelly beans and a box of Tastykakes seem mundane by comparison.

They simply don’t care if you skip your shower on Sunday. They’ll still cuddle with you.

I had my birds fed, my dog snuggled in for his morning nap to get over the rigors of his long night’s sleep, my latte in hand and my computer turned on.  Life was good. Then I hit the sign on button and found out my Internet connection was down. It was as though I was jonesing for a crack fix and someone accidentally spilled the contents of the spoon…ok, I may be mixing metaphors there since I don’t know if you actually cook crack the way heroin gets cooked but give me a break. I’m old and it’s hard

In a world full of AIDS, war and neo-cons, why is anyone interested in a baby made by two B (at best) level actors who have done little to deserve the hysteria that seems to be surrounding the birth of their child.  Unless, of course, you know something I don’t about this child being the next coming of god on earth. If so, I think it’s appropriate that this time around She’s showing her feminine side.

There is an old joke about a certain southern state that will remain unnamed. According to the joke, the state has a new license plate motto that reads, “Ten million people, ten last names.” Here in Alaska, we have a Murkowski running against a Knowles, we have two Stevens, a Murkowski, a Young and a Begich in political office and I have to wonder. These are the same names I’ve heard for thirty years.  Is Alaska the state of six hundred and fifty thousand people and six politicians?  Do these families meet at some secret location and divy up the

Of the three trees I tried to plant in my front yard last year, two are dead.  I could blame the moose. But I have a sneaky suspicion they decided an early death was easier than trying to live with me.

And once again we are reminded of the sacrifices of those who make our lives possible….all those people working the holiday during the one day only Memorial Day sales.  What would we do without them?  Who would be there to remind us of the true meaning of the day?  It’s kinda like Santa Claus being the symbol of Christmas and reminding us of its real message – which, I believe, is “Buy yourself into tremendous debt now, regret it later”.