Elise Sereni Patkotak

As I ponder the vast array of colors, hues and types of paint, I think to myself, “White works”.

I was one of those on-air personalities pitching for public radio over the past two weeks. Next to my animals, public broadcasting is probably my biggest passion. Now that most of the airways seem to have been taken over by people who don’t know what an indoor voice sounds like and who do not so much want to report the news as shout their version of reality, public broadcasting has come to seem like a Mecca of sanity in a world gone mad.

As I sat at the board waiting for my turn to pitch, I ruffled through some of

It’s good to see Uncle Ted back on our TVs, even though we know he’s gone. In this currently insane political climate, he seems so statesmanlike and reasonable… not something we normally would associate with someone who chose the Hulk as his hero.

When I walked into Costco the day after Labor Day and found Christmas decorations already up and for sale, I was horrified. Now that we are entering the 600th week of this year’s political campaign season and my ears are actually bleeding every time another spot comes on TV – even if only for a second before I can find the mute button – I realize that the sound of Christmas music playing ad nauseum for the next two months actually looks like a welcomed relief.

It seems as though every campaign season I think that this is the worse it could possibly get. But god bless the American public and its political purveyors, they always seem to be able to find some room underneath to drop the bar even lower.

Joe Miller? John Lindauer? With each passing day it becomes more difficult to decide which candidate’s campaign wins for worse implosion before the vote.

Not only did she have to have surgery on her face to remove the sinkhole that ate Chicago that had mysteriously appeared there, but instead of being able to have a good dreamy sleep on her pain meds and anesthesia, she had a yucky reaction and spent all night whining and sounding very pathetic. There was nothing I could do to comfort her except to get up EVERY HOUR and pet her and tell her everything would be all right. Poor baby.

Listen. That sound you hear is silence. It’s the sound roaring out of Sean Parnell, Don Young, Harry Crawford, Mead Treadwell and Diane Benson’s campaigns.

“What?” you query in a startled tone. “You mean there are candidates out there NOT running for our US Senate seat?” Yes, Virginia, there are. The problem is that only one of them, Ethan Berkowitz, seems to actually be taking the whole concept of running for office seriously. That’s why his ads are the only ones you see on TV that don’t pertain to the Senate race.

Now one could almost forgive Don Young for

I cannot drink caffeine after 4 PM or eat beans after…. well, after 1 PM… without risking a night of peaceful sleep.