Elise Sereni Patkotak

I am trying to not become a formless mass of overweight protoplasm during this quarantine but it is not easy. I mean, seriously, am I the only one who hears my refrigerator calling me, like ALL the time.

I am back to being a teenager. I stand in front of an open refrigerator door that contains any number of healthy foods and snacks and all I can wonder is how long it will get the pizza to arrive if I order it immediately.

So, it turns out isolating me is not the answer for getting me excited about eating healthy. Continue reading →

I have my first telemedicine call with my diabetic doctor today. I have spent the last hour straightening out my house, making sure my desk looked clean and clear, checking out the background to make sure nothing showed that was messy. Yep, he will only see my face on the screen but should he somehow get his camera to pan around, my house will be spotless… just don’t open the closets. Stuff may have shifted as I shoved it all into them.

I actually got dressed and put shoes on for reasons I don’t understand either. I could have just Continue reading →

We are barely into the third week of what seems like it will be a very long quarantine. And what do I find myself reading? An article in National Geographic about what people did before the invention of toilet paper.

I read the whole thing. Why? Because why not? I have a lot of time to kill and even if I reread all of Dickens and Austen I’ll still have time left over… unless, of course, I throw in Thackery’s Vanity Fair. Then I might be able to stretch it out until the quarantine is over.

Or, I’ll just go Continue reading →

Is it week two or three… or forty?

What do you do if you are Italian and stuck at home all day? You order a gabillion dollars’ worth of groceries and cook it all even if there is no one else in the house to eat it except you. Based on this premise, I am proud to now announce that I have chicken broth, chicken soup, chicken salad, broiled chicken, boiled chicken and a meatloaf in my refrigerator. I have a gallon of my mom’s Sunday sauce in the freezer accompanied by about three gallons of beans and cabbage soup. Continue reading →

It is day who cares of self isolating in the hope of not dying before casting my vote in November. Things are starting to fall apart more rapidly than I thought possible.

I have to remind myself to shower… well, actually, I know it’s time when the dogs won’t sleep with me.

I feel as though I’ve accomplished something if I actually get out of my bathrobe at some point during the day other than to go back to bed.

I feel as though I’ve accomplished even more if I get dressed and then don’t get back in my bathrobe Continue reading →

Ok, so isolating because people annoy you and you periodically need a break from them is understandable and fun – at least in my world it is. But this mandatory stay in place crap has really got me going crazy.

I AM SO BORED!

Now that is a terrible thing to say considering I am suffering through this pandemic in the comfort and safety of my own home with enough food, drink and pot to keep me very happy and enough books, magazines and tv shows to keep me amused until the Rapture.

So why am I bored?

I don’t Continue reading →

There are a lot of Americans really hurting right now. They need help with their bills, their healthcare and their future. You know who doesn’t need this help? Any company whose corporate officers received millions of dollars a year in compensation.

Seriously, if they are really worth that much money for running their companies, you would have thought they’d be bright enough to come up with contingency plans to keep the company afloat under the worst of circumstances. Instead, they took their billions and ran off to their private yachts and mansions so as to not have to associate with Continue reading →

1. Empty out the junk drawer. Look at what is in there in horror. Try to remember what each random piece of plastic, cap, dried tube and multiple pieces of string and rubber bands are worth keeping. Get frustrated. Throw everything back in drawer and wait for next pandemic or the second coming to clean out. Get stoned. Watch Big Bang reruns.
2. Check on how much belly button lint you’ve collected since the last time you checked down there. Get very stoned when you realize the amount far exceeded your expectations and watch reruns of NCIS: LA.
3. Pull out that adult

My vets at College Village Animal Clinic are the best. And I do mean the absolute best.

Yesterday I had to bring in one of my dogs for his annual exam. Got to the clinic, walked into the waiting room and it was packed. Walked out, got in my car and tried to decide if I was comfortable going into such a crowded room. I was not.

So how did they handle this old lady quaking in her car from the thought of anything less than a five foot space around her and preferred it best if no one else Continue reading →